TOPICS

A Sub's Moral Dilemma?
Swinging
Sub vs Slave
Mentors
Can SM Be Separate From D/S?
Spanking and How to Include You Significant Other
Bondage: Self and With another
Dominant/Top..... Sub/Bottom

THRVBuja: Good evening everyone!

Guest 1: i see; i thought you were kidding Guest2

THRVBuja: We are again honored to have Mistress Gloria Brame with us tonight.

Guest 2: I couldn't have made that one up, sorry

THRVGloryB: Hi, Guest2. You aren't Over anymore? :-)

Guest 2: sorry

Guest 1: is she a switch?

THRVBuja: I hope you have lots of great questions and comments waiting! Glory, any opening words of wisdom?

Guest 2: Over?? not my screen name..

THRVGloryB: I think they are furiously debating the dentures, Buja.

THRVBuja: They are *not* dentures... they are "clattering teeth" :)

Guest 2: hey, we have an image to maintain, now that we're mainstream

Guest 1: Is this really Gloria Brame, or just a computerized analog of her?

THRVBuja: We picked them up at a novelty joke shop!

THRVGloryB: This is Hal.

Guest 2: They look awfully like my grandma's in the Yuhrzeite glass on the dresser

THRVBuja: HAL.... only much sexier ;)

Guest 3: Eeeeee.. nice visual Guest2

Guest 1: is there a topic here?

THRVGloryB: You don't know that for sure, BUJA. I could be a figment of your overheated cyber-imagination!

Guest 2: Not yet, but I was wondering if there was any follow up to two weeks ago

THRVBuja: The topic is BDSM, fetishes, and all sorts of "Kinky Pleasures"

Guest 2: when a female slave raised a moral dilemma Recall- her master wanted her to have sex with another guy and she didn't know what to do?

Guest 1: prolly Hal.

Guest 4: how about spanking?

Guest 1: that's sorta broad.

THRVBuja: <--- overheats easily

Guest 2: and she didn't know what to do?

THRVBuja: So, does anyone have a question for the illustrious Glory?

Guest 1: what moral dilemma?

THRVGloryB: <---noticed that you do.

Guest 2: should she be a bad slave and say "no way" or violate her own moral code and be a good slave

Guest 5: she felt that as a slave, she had to do it, no matter what she wanted, Guest1 (if it's the person I'm thinking of)

Guest 1: moral code? what did S/He ask her to do?

THRVBuja: Glory, do you want to jump into this discussion?

Guest 2: Glory, you must recall the incident.. can you take it as a question?

THRVGloryB: First, about the woman 2 weeks ago, we continued talking to her for a while. I don't believe there was any resolution. It seemed that the more people took her side the more she defended her Master and their relationship.

THRVBuja: Folks, any new questions for Glory? I am sure you have many secret, burning questions!

THRVGloryB: Sure, Guest2. Okay, the issue I believe you're raising...

Guest 5: But did you see it as a problem that she said he wouldn't allow discussion of this?

Guest 1: can somebody puleez tell me what the situation was?

Guest 6: me too

THRVGloryB: is whether a slave is obligated to follow all orders from the dominant, even when the slave feels it exceeds her limits. (This is stating it generally.) In this particular situation, it was a female sub whose Master said he was going to make her have sex with his friends, and who (according to the femsub), refused to negotiate with her or seriously take counsel of her fears. She came on-line (without his knowledge) to talk about it.

THRVGloryB: So that's a summary. Now, back to my response... Obviously, I believe a submissive's feelings must ALWAYS be considered anytime a top thinks of pushing limits or moving the relationship in a new, more intense direction. I was very concerned that her Master did not seem to want to discuss the situation in depth with her. Granted, they had a lifestyle-type relationship in which the sub basically gives a complete consent which is supposed to cover future questions of limits etc. Nonetheless, this femsub was obviously DEEPLY troubled and seriously questioning her relationship with her Master because of it. In my mind, when a sub can't take his/her troubles and questions directly to the dominant (for fear of causing fights--another aspect of this was that her Master would *punish* her for voicing her unhappiness about the proposed scenario) well--in sum, their relationship is in trouble. Punishing a slave out of anger, and because s/he is responding emotionally to a situation is perhaps the single most irresponsible behavior for any dominant--in my opinion, of course. Does that answer it for you?

Guest 7: why do you question it?

THRVGloryB: Next question?

Guest 7: ?

Guest 6: ?

THRVPashun: Guest7, please ask your question:)

Guest 7: what advice would give us about swinging?

Guest 1: swinging what, Guest7? ::wink:: j/k

Guest 8: ?

THRVPashun: queue after Guest7,...Guest6 and Guest8

Guest 4: ?

THRVGloryB: Guest7, are you interested in swinging per se or swinging with SM?

Guest 7: Where to begin?

THRVGloryB: (Two somewhat different species of swinging.) :-) If your sole interest is swinging, there are a wide variety of groups on-line particularly on the Web for swingers and the polyamorous set. These days, folks often describe themselves as polyamorous (rather than swingers). There is also a big annual convention in California called "Lifestyles" which is attended by thousands of swingers. But to get started on- line, I have some links on my site to swingers groups.

THRVBuja: Glory, as far as where Guest7 should begin, wouldn't you agree that having a *very* long talk with his/or her partner is the best place to start? :)

THRVGloryB: Or just type "polyamory" into any search engine on the Web. It should be very easy to hook up with a group, perhaps in your area.

Guest 7: thanks

THRVGloryB: You bet. Who's next, Mistress Pashun? :-)

THRVPashun: Guest6, go ahead with your question:)

Guest 6: Is there a difference in a Sub and a Slave? followup please.

THRVGloryB: Okay, Guest6, now you've asked a HOT one!

THRVPashun: queue after Guest6...Guest8, Guest4

THRVBuja: A GREAT question though!

Guest 9: ?

Guest 1: who is this Buja persona?

THRVGloryB: I will preface my answer with this basic rule of thumb for kink: THERE ARE NO ABSOLUTE DEFINITIONS!

Guest 10: ?

Guest 1: ah prefaces...

THRVGloryB: You will find that groups (such as chat-groups on the Net, or off-line friendship groups, like PEP) may come up with their group definition of "what is a slave?" "a sub?" "what is lifestyle?" and so on--but you'll also note that often the definitions vary from group to group and even from person to person. For example, there are a lot of people in the Scene who I'd consider sub/slave but who firmly insist they are only "Bottoms," and that a Bottom is completely different from either of the above. But here are the safest general definitions:a slave is someone who is completely owned and who, generally, will expect pain, discipline, and some fairly common rituals (like shaved genitals, or wearing a collar) to be part of their relationship with their Mistress or Master. A submissive is someone who submits (obviously), not just physically but psychologically. He or she may be strongly into service (like performing little tasks--either sexual or household, etc.) for the Dominant. The relationship may not involve pain or discipline. In some cases, it may be almost entirely about mind control finally, bottoms tend to define themselves as people who are neither owned nor feel particularly submissive yet who enjoy SM stimuli and who engage in SM with a consenting "Top" who does those things to them.

THRVGloryB: Okay! Next?

THRVPashun: Guest8, please go ahead with your question :)

Guest 8: Glory....in your opinion...does SM need to be included in a D/s relationship to be truly fulfilling for both? Btw...i think your great..:)

Guest 6: thank you GloryB.

THRVPashun: queue after Guest8... Guest4, Guest9, Guest10

THRVGloryB: Hi, Guest8. In my opinion, no. I really believe that your choices about your sex life are yours and your partners' ALONE to make. So if SM type activities (whipping, bondage, etc.) don't work for you but the more sensual aspects of D&S do--go for it! In the end, the only ones you should want to please are yourselves and not some group ideal. That's my POV.

Guest 8: SM = ie: needle play?

Guest 1: i would argue that SM is sensual

THRVGloryB: Guest1--it is sensual for those who find it sensual.

Guest 2: to me needle play can be classified as sensual..

THRVGloryB: Personally, I don't separate SM from D&S or B&D, because all of that is essential to me in relationships

Guest 1: I said "I", indeed :)

Guest 2: as opposed to a brute force transfer of energy like a good flogging

Guest 8: thank you :)

THRVGloryB: Guest8--SM would be anything involving pain (generally speaking, again).

Guest 2: I have to agree with Glory-- I don't separate things into component parts

THRVPashun: Guest4, go right ahead with your question:)

Guest 4: My wife is not into spanking. I want to be spanked by an older woman. How can I find someone to start that type of relationship with?

THRVGloryB: Guest4, are you looking for a full-scale relationship or just some no strings experiences?

Guest 11: ?

Guest 4: No strings

THRVGloryB: Then you've basically got two choices. One would be to join a D&S group in your area or to subscribe to a spanking newsletter which runs personal ads. Through those groups you may be able to make contacts with women who are interested in role-play spankings.

THRVBuja: Guest4, is your wife aware and comfortable with you seeking out these experiences without her?

THRVGloryB: Without sounding too discouraging, though, I'll warn you that it is tough to find non-professional females for no-strings relationships. The other alternative for you would be to visit a spanking psychodramatist (i.e., a professional dominatrix). Those are much easier to find. In either case, I strongly recommend you join one of the many spanking newsletter groups. Shadowlane is a good place to start.I link to a bunch of them on: http://gloria-brame.com/spanking.htm

Guest 2: Guest4, May I ask how your wife feel about someone else spanking your bare butt?

THRVBuja: Glory, not to sound conservative, but wouldn't talking to his wife first be a good idea or at least to be aware of the possible consequences? Glory, I see your admirer, Guest13, has returned :)

THRVGloryB: By the way he phrased the question, I assumed he'd talked to his wife about this and had concluded it was hopeless. But, thank you for bringing this up: talking to one's spouse should ALWAYS come first. Also, anytime one goes outside a relationship for sex (kinky or otherwise) it poses a direct threat to the stability of one's marriage.

THRVBuja: Thank you for that reminder :)

Guest 2: And, while I'm over 35, I AM NOT Guest13. And Guest4, you can find Shadow Lane at http://www.shadowlane.com/

THRVGloryB: Guest2, I was wondering about that: thought you might be the oldest kinkster on the planet. ;-)

Guest 4: Thanks

Guest 9: My ? was answered

Guest 2: I may look young, but you should see the painting in the attic :-)

THRVGloryB: So who's my next victim? (rubbing hands)

THRVPashun: Guest10, please ask Mistress Gloria your question:)

THRVBuja: Well, GUEST13 is here as well... so....

Guest 10: Thank you..

Guest 12: victim? :perk:

Guest 10: glory..what is the difference between a mentor and a dom..and what role does a mentor play?

THRVGloryB: Hi, Guest10. Well, again we bump into that sticky problem of definitions for terms that we in the Scene have made up ourselves. :-)

THRVBuja: Sticky problem? :::perk:::

THRVPashun: queue after Guest10.....Guest11

THRVGloryB: But, generally: a mentor is someone who advises you on all aspects of BDSM--whether it's your questions about limits, your relationship with a prospective master, etiquette, or anything else a novice might need to know to have a safe, sane, consensual SM relationship. Mentors usually do not have SM sex with their proteges although some Mentors will do some mild training (showing a sub what a spanking is like, for example). There ARE self-styled mentors now who call themselves "trainers." That's a whole other thing--they specifically train a new sub

Guest 2: but a person can fulfill both roles simultaneously, IMHO

THRVBuja: Geez, such a vocabulary to keep track of! :)

THRVGloryB: A dominant, simply, is the top/master/mistress that you're involved with for the purpose of HAVING SM experiences. So one could have a mentor and a dominant, playing two different roles: the mentor talking to you about what you're doing with your dom and helping you through the nervousness.

Guest 10: what does a mentor get out of this relationship?

Guest 13: ??

THRVGloryB: Guest10, well, to be kind, most mentors would probably say it's purely for the satisfaction of helping innocent submissives avoid getting hurt, emotionally or otherwise.

Guest 10: LMAO

Guest 2: ROFL

THRVGloryB: To be unkind, I'll add that there are some "mentors" out there who (in my opinion) mainly do this to get a bit of side action. :-)

Guest 14: gee...i thought i was the only one giggling at that comment ;)

Guest 2: but don't let my "trainees' see that..

Guest 10: ::nodding:: altruistic breed ..thank you!

Guest 2: ?

THRVGloryB: You bet! Watch out for those self-styled Mentors, by the way.

THRVPashun: Guest11, please go right ahead with your question:)

THRVGloryB: My first question (if someone offered help) would be to ask if I could talk to someone else he'd "helped." :-)

Guest 11: Can a sub learn to be dom?

Guest 6: This is getting complicated!!!

Guest 10: good advice..thank you

THRVPashun: queue after Guest11.. GUEST13 and Guest2

THRVGloryB: Sure, Guest11! But of course! There is a school of thought that says the best dominants "learn from the bottom up" by starting out as subs.

Guest 2: (Altho some swear that tops are born, not made!

THRVGloryB: Guest2's right! Some of us have always felt more comfortable in the dominant role. But if you have an interest in taking the dominant role, then you should pursue it.

Guest 2: As God's gift to womankind)

THRVBuja: Or mankind ;) Not that I would know :)

THRVGloryB: It's important to remember that our sexual identities are not always static. Particularly in SM, we may evolve,our needs may change (particularly with age), and so on.

THRVGloryB: GUEST13?

THRVPashun: GUEST13, please ask your question :)

Guest 11: thanks

Guest 13: thanks for great advice last week on helping to get mate to read up on bd on the computer we had great scene

THRVGloryB: I'm happy for you, Guest13!

Guest 13: want to know more about subject self bondage mate does not like bondage all of the time You want to learn more about tying yourself up, you mean?

Guest 11: ?

THRVGloryB: Guest13? I'm not sure what you're seeking--technical tips on self- bondage?

Guest 13: yes it is such a thrill to be tied

THRVGloryB: There are so many types of equipment you can find these days to lock yourself up. Do you suppose that your partner might consent to coming in and unlocking you, if you asked her nicely?

THRVBuja: Glory, how about starting with some *safety* tips? :)

Guest 13: Sure!

THRVGloryB: If she would do that for you, you could lock yourself into bondage. For example, while she's watching tv or busy in another room you could get yourself (quite easily) into hand and ankle cuffs (either metal, self- locking ones or padded, comfy leather ones with D-rings, so you can attach regular locks) then you can lie there in truly helpless bondage while she is in the other room (within listening distance in case, for any reason, you need to be released quickly).

Guest 2: and freezing the key into an ice cube will impose a minimum amount of time in the restraints

THRVGloryB: Otherwise, you can arrange for her to come in at a set time, and to unlock you. To add to the tension, you could wear a blindfold so you can't see the clock and will lost track of the time.

Guest 13: she still thinks its a bit weird should i go it alone or just keep trying to bring her along

THRVGloryB: I definitely recommend that you continue the dialogue with her. And try to encourage her in any positive ways you can.

THRVBuja: I think it is important to remind everyone that self-bondage can be very risky -- just think "fire" :)

THRVGloryB: Letting her know how sexy you find her to be when she ties you. But there's no reason you can't satisfy yourself WHILE you continue the dialogue with her, so that you feel sexually satisfied during this learning period for her.

Guest 13: does this process usually escalate quickly it seems to be a driving passion all of sudden

THRVGloryB: BUJA, first of all--if you'd like to know why we Dominatrices are INDEED God's gift to mankind, why... (fluttering eyelashes) you have but to ask. Second, regarding self-bondage, it's important that your partner be able to get to you ASAP if you put yourself in any kind of restraints you can't get out of yourself.

THRVBuja: Thanks for clarifying that :) We have two questions left...and then we unfortunately have to end :(

THRVPashun: Guest2, please ask your question:)

THRVGloryB: Guest13--SM can be very compelling. I'm not surprised.

Guest 2: Ah yes.. a while ago you said something about Mentors who were "looking for a little on the side"

THRVBuja: Unbiased opinion from Mistress Gloria :)

THRVGloryB: Yep.

THRVBuja: <-- thinks he is in trouble now

Guest 2: Now isn't it OK for a Dom to have several submissives/slaves??

THRVGloryB: Oh, Buja, you're *always* in trouble.

Guest 13: not sm so much but bd

THRVGloryB: Guest2, what do you mean by "ok"?

THRVBuja: Only when you're around ;)

Guest 2: well, you seemed to be saying that a Mentor who had SM sex (and you didn't differentiate) was somehow unethical

THRVGloryB: Anything goes, in my opinion, AS LONG AS all partners agree it's what they want. If you have subs who don't mind or even enjoy sharing their Master with other women sure, it's great. But if you take on a girl who is too insecure to be comfortable with that, then it becomes less "ok."I think one needs to be extremely clear, from the outset, about what kind of relationship one is offering a submissive. I don't (speaking personally again) find it particularly ethical when a Mentor claims he's only doing it for the girl's good and that he has no intention of being her dominant and then plays with her sexually. In my opinion, he is taking advantage of her: he is accepting the fun part of domination without the hard part (the responsibility for her well- being).

Guest 2: Thanks.

THRVPashun: Our last question will come from Guest11...please go right ahead:)

Guest 11: Am interested in having 3-some where could i meet biF safely into B&D....?

THRVBuja: We now have to take our last question...

THRVGloryB: Guest11, there are a lot of swingers who experiment with B&D. .

THRVGloryB: So, again, my advice is to find a group/organization/chat board with a polyamory/swinging focus and make contacts there.

THRVBuja: Thank you Gloria for joining us again...

Guest 11: thanks

THRVBuja: and thanks to everyone for the great questions! And special thanks to Pashun for helping out.

THRVGloryB: Buja--no more victims? (sniffle)

Guest 13: thanks to gloria and pashun and buja

THRVPashun: My pleasure:)

THRVBuja: Sorry Glory... we are over time :(

Guest 2: Thanks, gang..

THRVBuja: Join us again next Sunday at 11pm ET...