Posted by fix8ed

I hear about subs being 'trained'....or subs offering up their expertise to a Dom who is not as experienced as the sub...how does one go about training someone? what exactly does that term mean to people? is it something that is ongoing (i'm assuming so) and never ending...and if not or if so....when does one know that they are 'trained'? how does one deal with the after effects of being trained by someone and then going into another Dom/s relationship?

Not sure I'm asking the right question/s but I'm just curious about it...my assumption is that someone is either already a submissive type or a dominant type and that the Dom teaches the sub to be more in accordance with what they want or need, mentally, emotionally, sexually?...is training the correct term to use now or is it outdated?

Fix8ed

...my assumption is that someone is either already a submissive type or a dominant type and that the Dom teaches the sub to be more in accordance with what they want or need, mentally, emotionally, sexually?...is training the correct term to use now or is it outdated?

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That's a most interesting observation, Fix8ed.

I'm curious about this too, as El Cacique is determined to train me (brave soul, el Cacique!). He's obviously doing it for what =he= wants, which is pretty useless in most areas for anybody else. Language study is one of the major areas. Though he does enjoy the use of crops, etc, he's really far more interested in mental play -- always pushing the edg -- than the physical. But then, I've always been fit, dance, etc. There are other areas in which I'm being trained though, that probably are just fine for anyone.

I doubt I'll ever be fully trained, especially in unquestioning obedience. Too little, too late upon a character that is inherently rebellious and thinks for herself.

Thaien

As always, my answer is highly opinionated. Training is another of those things that everyone views differently. Training is an ongoing process and it occurs whether people are aware of it or not. A submissive or bottom that learns what pleases a dominant or top, and sets out to do or provide those things is training themselves. A service oriented submissive or slave may very well need/want specific training in a specific area for one or two different reasons. There may be more (in fact I am sure there are) but like I said this is _MY_ opinion.

1) to make themselves a "better" submissive, as well as meet the needs of themselves.

2) to make themselves better able to serve their dominant.

Usually specific training centers around the non-sexual aspects. Formal Dining Service which may include how to set a table, and why, which side to serve different things from, position and distance from the table that they should place themselves, etc. Another area, more close to my heart is Movement. I would love to be able to send gloria to spend a week with Catherine Gross to specifically train in proper movement...from a kneeling position to standing, how to enter and leave a room, when to kneel and stand etc etc etc. gloria would love to be able to go train with Catherine, though the idea scares her shitless at the same time. She would be having both the reasons that I listed above, met. Its is something that another dominant may not ever require of her if anything ever happens between her and I, but it is something that would make her feel better about herself as well. It is not something that most people normally "notice" in and of itself (unless they have been trained lol) but most people will notice the grace and ease and in the way that those have been trained in it, move. A long example I know. If the person trains for something, and then does not practice it, what was the point? That is to say, that if they do practice it, it becomes a habit and thus, if a new dominant that they might be with does not need or even want that habit, then breaking it would be a new training exercise. I don't think that most people give a flip flying fornici at a rolling doughnut to specific training that centers around formality, etiquette or protocol. But I have noticed of late, that perhaps the training that centers around those area may be honestly growing again. I am formally in service to Sir (Master Doug Harris) and its all about training for me. I learn to be a better dominant by making myself experience the service head space of a submissive. I identify that way, not everyone does and that ok. Thank God in fact, if everyone else did it most likely it would not be as special to me as it is. And finally the flip side of the coin as I see it, the fact that the dominant must also learn the same things (or at least renew them) as the submissive trains and then practices. Otherwise, how would the dominant ever be able to fully appreciate what was being done or even notice? If the dominant does not notice, or cannot tell the difference is the subtle shades, why should the submissive be as motivated to learn it well?

Justin Medlin
Who Has Been
To The Mecca
Of Poodle Flair
With A Self Proclaimed
"Old Poodle" Who Looks
Like A Barbie And Has the
Mind Of A Steel Trap.
And Lived.

In BDSM, as in anything else, the more we learn, the greater our realisation of how little we truly know. :)
I think that training can sometimes apply from one person to the next. However, one must still recognise that each partner is an individual, and be flexible enough to find the "buttons" of that person.

i personally don't understand the concept of "training," for the reasons mentioned above. i too see that each Dominant is training a submissive to his or her preferences. In my opinion (and i don't intend or want to raise anyone's hackles here, but it is my opinion), to claim to "train" a submissive in general (rather than for oneself) is a lie whose only real purpose is to absolve oneself of responsibility. Within a relationship, i don't think training is ever complete because i don't think growth is ever complete.

Thaien, be relieved or be afraid (depending on what you want) ... it's never too late.

Peace
firebaby

Serving properly guests and at table, table settings, centerpieces, all these things are things all the girl children in my community were taught and trained in by their mothers, their school teachers, Sunday School teachers, etc. from the time they could walk. Being a hostess, as well as cooking, baking, etc., were essential qualities for all women in the nowherelandia where I grew up, where all entertaining was done in your home, or in the basement of your church, and the women did all the work from planning to executing to cleaning up.

So I never understood the necessity for any of that kind of training. I guess other females grew up differently. :)

I also grew up learning how to shingle roofs, kill and butcher animals, put in crops (not that kind!!!!) -- essentially anything and everything the men did too. Though some things we just didn't have the physical strength for -- though some few of us did. Not this femme, of course. But still.

a girl thinks that being inherently/reflexively Dominant or submissive is only the beginning. one is of the proper raw material, like bolts of polished Thai silk, or bar stock of forged steel.

beyond the obvious conclusions to the allegory, a girl thinks that the mutual imperative is the pursuit of harmonious/congruent physical and mental conditioning. this seems to be best realized in a combination (shared by both Dom and sub) of martial arts and dance as a minimum prerequisite.

by example, i am a very deadly (by martial arts and defensive firearms training) slave, with years of patterning in reflexive grace in studies of dance. i study cooking, tailoring, and photography.

my Master was once among the finest of martial artists - approaching being qualified to study with the Olympic team in Colorado Springs. Her studies in theatre, including set design and construction and technical direction makes for a balance of the demonstrated and peer-awarded aptitudes that have made Her a certified human deadly weapon. Her work now as a rural medic now further developes Her compassion and emotional depth - while giving rise to a very dark sense of humor to the vanilla condition......

a girl thinks that the quest for perfection can never be achieved in any D/s relationship - but is rather a lifelong path that adapts to anything, that becomes elegant without ever becoming tame, that appears effortless while plumbing the very depths of the soul with a glance, a quiet gesture.

can it translate from one relationship to another?

it must.

a katana, once created and perfected, needs to be taken to the hand or it is useless. the new artistry, the new song of the wielder adds to the beauty of the creation and tests the quality of the mind and heart. in the attainment of the union, you see, there is no sword at all, only intent.

one garment may indeed never fit another, but with the discipline to create new beauty, new furs, new cloth can become a new celebration of talent and attention. such an endeavor, this girl thinks, would have to me a mutual undertaking - one where the demonstration of aptitude would wordlessly speak tomes of the heart in silent craft.

staying in touch with that is why so very often i dance under the starry skies nude save for weapons - because i always begin anew, and the recognition of my beginnings means that whatever my skills may create of the day, the garment is only transitory.

a girl hopes this makes sense....

Not many responses to this thread......hmmmmmm.....wonder why? Makes me wonder if its because its boring......or because most people are as confused as I am about the topic and do not have much to say on the matter.
Guess I will have to keep searching this one out....or come up with more of my own theories (as confused as they are :)
Fix8ed