Thought I'd lighten things up for the holidays. So, whether it's the couple who mistook crazy glue for lube or a celebrity's close encounter with a gerbil, let's hear your favorite sexual urban legends!

nightheron2,

How about the woman that bought some contraceptive jelly?
Legend Goes:
A woman went to the pharmacy and bought some contraceptive jelly. She did not read the directions she put it on her toast every morning. Then she sued the pharmacy that she bought it at because she became pregnant.

How about all the celebrities that felt sick and have had their stomaches pumped only to find that sperm was upsetting their stomachs? These are the ones that I could think of Rod Stewart, Alanis Marisonnette. Are there any others?

Happy Holidays,
Bluestocking

I once heard of a story about a tribe of natives in asia. They had a problem with over-population, so some government organization brought them condoms. The only problem was that they demonstrated how to use them by putting them on sticks. The next year they came back to the village and they found the natives had been putting the condoms on sticks around their huts.

Brent

Uhh...you mean you DON'T put them on sticks??

;-)

ok here is one for ya.....heard this one alot even back when i was in school.........

a girl takes a hot dog to ummmmm what should i say here <blushing> inserts it into her self only to find that it would break off and she had to go to the hospitol to get it taken out........

one more

always heard this growing up too

a man takes a gerbil and puts a tub in his butt and lets the gerbil crawl up it....

maybe these are not urban legands but i dont believe these stories but there was a time i did <Giggle innocently>

*~dawn~*

dawn

The one about the gerbil has been atributed to Richard Gere and several other celebrities.

The other "old favorite" that comes to mind is the one about the couple who are injured (or killed) in a car wreck. When the doctors take them into emergency, they can't find the mans' penis. They look all over the accident scene for it, then they look in the girl's mouth...

Brent

I think the tech term for putting a rodent up someone's butt via a toliet paper tube or someother similar means is "felching" but I may have spelled it incorrectly.

Justin Medlin
YDWPF!

Gloria,

You mean you put them on twigs?

:)
paul

memneth,

If a rodent is swallowed, then, is it "barting?"

:)
paul

Justin,

Actually, felching is a practice whereby someone has unprotected anal sex with their partner and then they suck the cum out of their anus. In the 'sixties, there was even an underground comix book called "Felch".

Back to the gerbil thing: it even pops up in a very funny sequence in "Austin Powers: the spy who shagged me".

Brent

Given my druthers, paul, I put them on salamis.

:-D

Urban Legends-well, a few come to mind:

One is the one about the wife who finds that the husband has been seeing a Domme behind her back and becomes irate. He confesses and tells her it was because their sex life was not kinky enough. So one night he comes home and she ties him face down, naked to the bed with his rear in the air, tells him she's going to do something kinky, lubes his ass and shoves in a curling iron, turns it on, and leaves him there.

Another is the one about the couple on vacation who has their room broken into and nothing is taken, but a few months later they receive photos in the mail of someone's rear end with their toothbrushes inside it.

Then there is the guy who brings home the girl and they have a night of wild sex, and when he wakes up writeen on the mirror is the message, "Welcome to the world of AIDS".

But I think the ones that kill me are either the gerbil ones (which are always told to me by people who are admantly homophobic or in some way conservative)or the ones of mishaps during sexual play that may or may not be true-there was the guy who got drunk and decided to see if the vacuum cleaner would feel good as a sex toy and ended up walking nto the hospital dragging the ElectroLux behind him; I know a story of a guy who was complaining of a stomach ache and he goes to the doctor and gets X-rayed and the doctor comes to him and shows him the x-ray and it turns out there is a squeeze bottle of mustard lodged in his colon -he claimed to know nothing of it but I would have loved to seen the doctor tell him ("I think we've found your problem, sir!")-maybe the guy refused to pay the hot dog vendor or something, who knows. Another version of this has the doctor doing a colonoscopy on a guy complaining of abdominal pain and seeing a bright light and jumping thinking a train is coming at him, it turns out there is a turned on flashlight lodged in the guys colon. But my favorite, which is allegedly true, is the guy who shows up at the ER saying his cell phone is stuck up his butt (he says that it was on the bathroom floor-this dog carried it into the bathroom and he slipped getting out of the shower and it got stuck up there) and asks the doctor to get it out. So the doctor gives him a muscle relaxant and as their waiting the phone rings. The guy says, "I think that's for me." Some of these are told as jokes, I guess those of us who enjoy anal play will always be the butt of someone's jokes!

Not as funny is the fact that most of the stories that
go around about people who enjoy frequent anal sex losing bowel control are urban myths as well meant to denigrate people for being into it; if it's done the right way it doesnt hurt at all and does nto cause these problems.

What I find interesting about sexual urban myths is that I hear the worst ones from people who are very conservative as "cautionary tales."

I heard about a man who wanted to throw a surprise party for his wife's birthday, so he took the day off work, and got the basement all cleaned up and invited all their friends, and waited down there for her to come home.
Well, she comes home, and they hear her moving around upstairs, and then she starts to call for the dog. The dog is in the basement with the partygoers, and the hubby, and is going nuts, as she's calling him..
She finally hears the dog whining and barking in the basement, so she opens up the door, and goes down the stairs a little, and calls the dog again. The lights flip on, and she hears everybody scream "SURPRISE" then dead silence.
The wife is standing naked on the steps, with peanut butter smeared all over her pussy, and the dog is having a howling fit trying to get to her.
lol......that one is REAL popular where I'm from.

oh this is the absolute truth...
I worked in a men's correctional facility right up until I moved to CO. There was an inmate who told the doctor I worked with, that he was constipated, and he just needed a laxative. There had been problems recently with inmates smuggling things into the prison anally, so the doc checked him. The doc found a blockage but couldn't tell what it was, so he had the man x-rayed.....turned out to be a shampoo bottle crammed up there. When they extracted it, they found all kinds of razors, and sharps inside the bottle.
I saw the x-ray of the man's butt.....so I know that one is true.....

oh and I went to high school with a girl who did do the frozen hot dog thingy......her nickname for 4 yrs was "Oscar" (oscar meyer)

oh and there was another girl I heard about who was playing with food in the bedroom with her boyfriend..carrots, zucchini, and I heard also, tuna salad. he was supposed to be eating it out of her, and I guess he didn't get everything. supposedly, a day or so later, she started complaining about itching, and thought maybe she had a yeast infection,so she went to her Gyno, and they found the remains of the food they were using up in there...
her nickname was "the salad shooter"

does that mean that if I continue to beat gloria, that I could be hung with being called "George Forman"? I mean I am a lean, mean grilling machine....but damn.

Justin Medlin
Who Grills With
    George