slave marsha,

i had the wonderful experience of meeting Master Jim and yourself at Dungeon 601 in Ft. Lauderdale last October. We spoke after your class on protocol. Part of what made it so wonderful is that i was, at that time, in a Dominant/submissive relationship with a gay Leatherman. i am a bisexual woman. People thought i was crazy...so it was very comforting to have met you.

Since that time, i have suffered an injury which has left me, at least temporarily, disabled. i am awaiting (and awaiting and awaiting and awaiting) reconstructive surgery to correct the problem.

My current state has left me floundering. i firmly believe that i have "the call to slavery" and being so thoroughly grounded has been incredibly hard. i am fortunate to have the love and encouragement of some wonderful Leatherfolk (who i think you know, even..one of them was also teaching at Dungeon), but their support only goes so far in helping me not feel completely lost.

There is no guarantee that things can be made completely right following the surgery. Do you have any ideas on how i can keep myself encouraged? In your view of things, does a disabling injury mean that slavery is no longer possible? It is for me as you have said....it is not all i can do, but nothing else will do. i am having SO much difficulty trying to wrap my head around letting go of what i feel is my core.

PMFJI, I realize your missive is addressed to slave marsha. Nevertheless, I would like to share a little of myself as I feel it may help address some of your concerns.

knottabrat said:

>> My current state has left me floundering. i firmly believe that i have "the call to
>> slavery" and being so thoroughly grounded has been incredibly hard.

My femsub is permanently disabled with a progressive disease. She has endured this condition since her late teens. Her physical abilities are severely curtailed, and she suffers the additional burden of various medications and their nasty side effects. These physical limitations severely restrict what she is able to do with regards to ordinary activities of daily life, not to mention her actions as a slave and sex partner.

What is not affected in any way is her willingness to submit to me. Her "call to slavery" is a call to her "self", it is her spirit that she gives to me in servitude. It is the giving of her spirit that I am overwhelmingly attracted to, the essence of our relationship. I love her for being my "femsub", not for the details of the actions she can do.

There have been many days when all she did was lie in bed after a nasty bout of medication, or lie for weeks after major surgery. Her will and her spirit were still mine, she was still my slave even though she was incapacitated.

As her "Dom" I can take her body any time I want. What makes her special is that she _gives_ me her entire being, of her own free will. That is something I could never take, from her or anyone else.

>> ... i am having SO much difficulty trying to wrap my head around letting go
>> of what i feel is my core...

My sub has never let go of that core. Her core is unaffected by the disease. Her core, and the core of our relationship, lies in the giving of her spirit to me, not the giving of her body.

Am I making sense? This is terribly difficult to explain over the net :-)

TooLoose :-)

<<Her core, and the core of our relationship, lies in the giving of her spirit to me, not the giving of her body. >>

That is soooooo beautifully and poignantly said, TooLoose. It really touched me. That, imho, is the soul of the power dynamic.

hugs,

Glory

TooLoose,

i understand and appreciate what you have said more than you can know. i also know what i hear from most people. You do realize that you are one of the rare ones who "gets it", don't you? GOSH i hope so....it is such a rare quality.

i also have fibromyalgia and intermittent non progressive MS, which have only a little effect on my service, but you should see the back peddling that occurs in someone who has shown interest in me when they find that out. They don't even want to LEARN anything about how it effects (or doesn't effect) me. When you bring up something that effects your mobility in addition....well, it gets discouraging.

i have a good friend who's submissive has juvenile onset diabetes which is poorly controlled and causing MAJOR health problems....the kind that most likely will end her life sooner than later. He "gets it" too. She had the diabetes when he met her, but he fell in love with her willingness to give him everything she had. i see them and i touches me. i confide in her sometimes when i feel discouraged and i know she understands, but unless you have found that one who "gets it", facing a call to slavery as "damaged property" is a hard row to hoe.

Thank you for your encouragement. And by the way......you don't have any owner mind set siblings, do you? Cause hey, i am bisexual, so.......<good natured laugh>

karen

knottabrat

Thanx for the compliments, brat :-)

>> ... but you should see the back peddling that occurs in someone who has shown interest in me when they
>> find that out.

I have not _experienced_ the back pedalling. But I have _seen_ it when my wife first meets someone that she's only known online, or by phone. Job interviews, parties, etc. It is truly heartbreaking.

I find it amazingly refreshing when I try to comfort her after such an encounter and she just waves it off. She says she's grateful for the power that the disease has given her to look into the minds of other people, she calls it her "automatic asshole detector" <vbg>

>> ... well, it gets discouraging...

Yes, it does. Extremely discouraging. I admire your courage and perseverance, you sound like a truly exceptional person.

>> ... but unless you have found that one who "gets it", facing a call to slavery as
>> "damaged property" is a hard row to hoe...

Those are exactly the words my wife uses. As I tell her, you are _not_ damaged property. The "property" that I need as a Dom is what lies inside your heart, inside your spirit. Those who seek only perfect bodies are fools, and have no sense of the wonders that can be found within the love of a partner. Anybody can have a perfect body (just take a drive thru any downtown metropolitan area and wave 20 bucks outside the window, that's how much a perfect body is worth). A heart that is true, a spirit that loves to such an extreme intensity that it surrenders itself, that is the rarest gem in the world.

>> Thank you for your encouragement.

You've earned it, brat :-)

>> And by the way......you don't have any owner mind set siblings, do you? Cause hey, i am
>> bisexual, so.......<good natured laugh>

<lol> Sorry, no relative I could refer you to :-) They're all _way_ vanilla and very married. You will find your mate, you have the courage and heart to search for Him/Her. There are lots of decent folks out there looking for the one true diamond in this world of anguish. You are that diamond, you deserve the best there is, don't ever forget that.

The most important suggestion I can make is for you to keep in touch. Keep posting notes on this forum, even if just to say hi and let us know that everything is fine with you. Let us know when things are not fine. There are chatrooms open 24/7 where you can go if you want real time chat, and lots of nice people who will treat you with respect. Get to know the other subs, email them privately, become a "sub sister". You have a lot of strength that other people can rely on in times of need.

whadya think? :-)

TooLoose

Glory

>> That is soooooo beautifully and poignantly said, TooLoose. It really touched me.
>>That, imho, is the soul of the power dynamic.

thanx, Glory, I appreciate your compliments :-)

TooLoose :-)

*smiling*

Not a lot i can add to what's been said... but i'll just add this comment.

Service comes in many, many forms. We are all far too conditioned by our wonderful SM porn to believe that service is either sex or manual labor -- and if we as slaves can't do those things, either temporarily or permanently, we feel worthless. (And there never seem to be *old* slaves in those books, either.)

It's bullshit, plain and simple.

In your disability, can you talk with your Owner, and serve as a sounding board for his thoughts and ideas? That's service. Can you take your medicine on schedule as he orders? Service. Can you cause him to smile with your smile or greeting? Service. Can you show him that your heart and soul are his and that in all you can do, you do the best you can for him? Service.

In all that you do... you serve.

<<<In your disability, can you talk with your Owner, and serve as a sounding board for his thoughts and ideas? That's service. Can you take your medicine on schedule as he orders? Service. Can you cause him to smile with your smile or greeting? Service. Can you show him that your heart and soul are his and that in all you can do, you do the best you can for him? Service.

In all that you do... you serve.>>>

YES. And i understand that, i really do. What you have all said is very true and very much the way it SHOULD be.

i have had years of practice at dealing with adjusting things because of the MS and the fibro, i am used to that part. i breed pygmy hedgehogs, and i feel like one of them lately. People see the pokey things and assume that the animal is not safe to touch. But hedgies have wonderful soft underbellies and are very social and like to be kissed. Most people don't know how sweet they are. Folks get so busy looking at the spikes that they never see their cute little faces.

i AM fortunate that there are wonderful friends who love and support and encourage me. And in the meantime, until something changes one way or another, i lean on what i have been taught.

Rule #1.....Take care of the Master's property. So i do the best i can to keep me as healthy as i am able. i study and read and sometimes i vent and cry because those are taking care of me too.

i have also been taught that when there is no physical Master present, then YOU are the surrogate Master...you fall back onto serving because when the Master is then present in body again, there needs to be an accounting of what you have done when you were left unattended. Stagnant is never good. So, while i am waiting, i run one of the local BDSM organizations here in town...and i do it with integrity and purpose. i spend the extra time i have journaling, studying and gathering resources for those who are new to the lifestyle who are trying to find themselves. It is service to myself, to the greater community....i value it and it helps even though it is not the *same* as having that Master focus. You have to stretch a little more emotionally..which is not a bad thing. It just lacks that *domination* factor. Which i miss. Have you ever just needed that domination when it wasn't there? You can't just run up to someone and say..."Excuse me, but would you dominate me, please?" LOL.

Seriously though, you have all made me feel less alone. Thank you for putting up with my venting...

karen