I am married to my Master and have always known that He was interested in finding another. But completely by accident my whole world changed. The one He has been waiting all this time for just walked into our lives. At first i thought i could deal with it, but it seems to be getting harder everyday. 

Of course i still smile and listen to Him talk of her constantly. The minute He comes home from work he asks if she sent messages or called. i am waiting for Him in leather or lace, and may i add according to most men...very sexy, Size 7, long hair, big boobs, perfect lips, and He might say "you look nice" and continue talking of her. Just to talk of her makes Him hard and He strokes Himself. 

I didn't waste my time to "look nice" and then not liking the way i touch Him He makes this irritated sound and pushes me away. I am not being spiteful but she is plain and as He says "meaty".. I have been ordering and picking up expensive gifts He has purchased for her. Yesterday an $80 pair of black spike heels. Tomorrow a brocade corset $189. The BDSM silver symbol necklace and bone treasure chest with velvet lining has not arrived yet. When it does the collaring ceremony will take place. 

Oh and by the way... She is also married and he knows nothing. I can't just see this as all jealousy, but maybe i'm wrong. I am the one that takes care of all of His needs on a 24 hour basis...she comes every couple of weeks for a good time while I serve both. He says sex is sex and love is love. And He loves me. The rule was always never to kiss another... that was special. Now that has changed too. He says He can love Her too in a different way than me.  

Oh well... sorry i have rambled on and on. But i truly don't know where my feelings or my heart are right now. Somebody please talk to me....

Songchi

Hello,

Well, I would have to say your situation is not unique. I am a very open and honest person so please do not take offense to what I say to you.

First...In most cases of a 2 woman and one man relationship weather it is D/s or not it does not usually work out due to many factors of insecurities. There is often jealousy and if there is any attention being shown to the other more than yourself it creates pain.

I am sorry but love is not suppose to bring pain in the heart. For starters...I would not trust this woman because she can not be honest about her marriage and that is really sad. I am not sure what your situation is but it is up to you being you know to tell him and then he will decide from there.

What is so difficult with consenting to another entering the relationship especially when you are collered is the fact you consented to submit and he is deciding the fate of the relationship.

However, he should also love you enough to not be selfish and take what you are feeling into consideration and re assure you of your love for eachother. Not only that I strongly believe no matter what he should treat you both equally if he wishes for this to work. Right now you are hurt and you really should be able to talk about this with him. Communication is so important.

You have to be very secure and know that no matter what happens no one will be a threat to your relationship. Adding the pleasure of another does not always bring happiness...sometimes things are better left within the mind instead of living. It takes alot of trust, communication, fairness and security to make it work. I do not see any of this in your relationship. My heart goes out to you...in hopes you find your way and he sees the pain he is causing you.

i hope things work out the way they are meant to
*~dawn~*

What Dawn said.

What I say much more strongly and much less nicely: your master's greedy, insensitive and jerky behavior is that of an asshole. Real masters do not behave like this.

This is not going to work.

Especially as there is lying going on, no self-control and no consideration for =all= involved.

I hope he comes to his senses soon.

Songchi,
The Dom I am currently involved with was in a relationship where he had two subs living with him 24/7 back in the 80's. I say 'a' relationship because from what I gather, it was 'one' relationship. They were a unit. All three worked together to make it one relationship. There were no lies, no misconceptions about what was going on or not going on. It worked for them for many years. It can work, but it takes time, effort, honesty, and energy on everyones part.

It seems that some communication needs to be going on with the three of you...not just you and him, or him and her or you and her....but all three. If that is not going to happen then perhaps you need to step back some and let things play themselves out. I know that you are in a difficult situation, talk to him and I wish you the best.

Fix8ed

Songchi,

Firstly let me say that I am not poly, in any way shape or form. Personally I would never enter a committed relationship with someone that wanted to have "others" as an option. (Although I have been in an non-consensual triad.) So this has been an interesting exercise in abstract thinking, which may or may not be useful.

It sounds from your letter that you have consented to a poly relationship in abstract and are struggling with the reality. Have you spoken your true feelings to your master? If not why? My thoughts are that its your responsibility to share what's on your mind - maybe he is so wrapped up in the excitement of a new toy, that he is oblivious to your pain. Or possibly that he doesn't want to think about it, your pain might infringe on his fun, his fantasy.

Fantasy is fun. And it comes without a heap of stuff that real relationships come with. In a long term real life relationship you see all of a person. You see them when they are sick, when they are overburdened by life, when they haven't had coffee in the morning. (It's a scary thing, me without coffee in the morning.) Fantasy relationships don't have to deal with PMS, they don't have to take the rubbish out, they don't have to pay the bills or run a household. Which is what makes fantasy so cool. The hardest thing you have to struggle with is if you can kneel in the new corset. If your fantasy is only for a few hours every couple of weeks, its easy for it to be "perfect". Its easy to simply edit the things that don't fit the role.

Frankly, if someone is thinking with their genitals, its hard for a real relationship with a real person to compete with an airbrushed fantasy. (But I think its even harder for a fantasy to compete with a real relationship in the long run.)

If it were me, I would be asking why master wants to collar a liar. If she is lying to her husband then is she up to the kind of honesty and openness that relationships require? If she has already promised herself to someone else (forsaking all others) then how available is she to give herself to anyone?

I would be asking what were the perimeters of the relationship, how they fit in with me, what the long term goals / direction for the relationship was. I would be asking if the kissing rule has changed, then what solid ground do I have? What can I trust in?

I would telling him clearly, and as calmly as possible that I am was sad, jealous, insecure and feeling abandoned. (Or whatever it was that I was feeling.) I would be asking if my feelings matter to him in this new style of relationship. I would be asking what it was that I would be expected to do / cope with, and what help I could expect to do so.

If it were me, I would be posting this question on the Come Hither board so I could get some feedback from Doms, and possibly a clearer insight into Dom headspace around it.

But its not me. So all I can do is wish you luck. (And say Welcome to the Boards!)

Jules

songchi -- I'm apologizing for my own insensitive, jerky etc. response yesterday. You know there's something wrong, otherwise you wouldn't have posted. You didn't need me to say that. What you need are real, intelligent reassurances that you are not wrong in your assessment that what's happening in your home is out of line.

This isn't a bdsm issue. This is a marriage issue.

If you and your husband's marriage is going to survive, you need counseling, preferably couples therapy, preferably with a kind-friendly marriage therapist. They do exist.

But first and foremost, this is a marriage issue, not a bdsm one. For a persons who love their spouses, whether kinked or not, in healthy more-than-one marriage relationships, do not push away their primary loved one in irritation in moments that at loving and preludes to more intense loving.

Especially not in these days.

In the meantime, my heart goes out to you.

Thaien