Hi, folks. Because of the events of last week, I haven't updated this board. But it's time we started getting back to the regular business of the Board, and I thought of a topic which seems to be a propos in the wake of those events.

BDSM AND STRESS

I think we can all agree this has been one hell of a week. People around the world have been on the edge emotionally, feeling frightened and depressed and stressed out to the max.

How does stress affect your sex and SM life? Do you lose interest in sex during times like these or feel less in touch with your sexual needs? Or are you the kind of person who seems to get even hornier during times of high-stress--or maybe you're an adrenalin junkie who gets a rush from rough sex when pressures from the world outside are intense?

Some people say that BDSM helps them cope with stress by relieving pent up energies and frustrations. How about you? Does BDSM ever provide relief for your stress, depression, or sorrows?

Oh yes. :)

BDSM, particularly, for me, pushing pain limits, is one of the most powerful ways for me to deal with personal stress.

I (nearly) know the cycle, I think...in the face of immediate stress, my sex drive goes extremely low, giving me the ability to focus on what it is that I need to. The funny part is that publicly I start to get/look/feel more dominant, needing to seriously project a powerful and sexy image; personally I'm craving a really intense/hard sub session. As the immediate stress is dealt with, I start having an intense need to receive heavy BDSM play -- usually in terms of wanting a good flogging or spanking or something -- that release of control once it is safe to do so. It's when I fantasize most about wanting to be punished to the point of tears, as well. no, really, no control issues about tears in my personal life. and if you buy that, i've got some other stuff to sell you, too. ;)

raven

Odd thing ... i know i've been under tremendous stress at other times in my life, but i can't for the life of me recall them specifically. (Except for one which particularly stands out, when some punk-ass kid was threatening the lives of me and my family; that was a bad one. But since there was no Dominant in my life then, the lifestyle really wasn't a thought.)

This has overridden everything else for the time being, for both me and Master. We both find very intense play extremely good for relieving stress, and we're desperately trying to find some private time to do that. While i *really really really* want to play to the extent of my capacity right now, at the same time i feel a little guilty for wanting it. It seems selfish and petty, somehow.

Oh well, i'm only human, i guess. Maybe not typical, but definitely human. :)

Peace
firebaby

firebaby,

I hear ya on the feeling guilty part. There's that feeling of how can that be at all important. Also -- in my own experience, having a hard time really releasing all of this pent up frustration, grief...having a hard time really letting these tears *go* -- I am really having second thoughts -- why I can't just grieve, why I seem to think I need/want the "glorified/ritualized violence" of BDSM to help me deal with this in my own way.

Did that make any sense at all? Sentence construction hasn't been my thing since Tuesday, either...

take care,
raven

From: Thorn4MyRose
(general posting)

Let's not forget that 'stress' isn't always a 'negative' thing. While we tend to focus on the bad aspects of stress usually, many people actually do better under times of stress than they do without it.

Some people just seem to thrive on pressure-burgers. ;-)

Be safe,
Thorn

That's a good observation, Thorn, and i myself am one of those people who does well under a certain amount of stress. It gives me a mental edge that i don't have when everything's peachy (of course, when that might have been, i can't say). i become very physically and mentally alert and energetic; the best example i can remember is when i was in college. i learned that the tests that i felt comfortable about, the ones i was very confident about, were the ones i did the worst on. Give me a bit of tension, let me pace, and my mind is kick-started.

However, the events of the past few days, i think, fall way beyond the category of anything useful for most of us.

Peace
firebaby

Gonna say this, 10 pedestrian minutes from Ground Zerod -- the sexual impulse in this, one of the five most sexual cities in the world (or at least one of the five most sexual cities I've spent significant time in) flat-lined. Until Thursday. Then it came back strong.

In fact, I was thinking of how I might possibly describe it for this board, but thought it was all too specific and cover-blowing. But thought the Mistress would certainly find this of interest, professionally.

Thaien

Ooops, I need to make a correction. The sexual impulse came back strong on Friday, not Thursday. Our sense of time here, like everyone else's, has gotten confused.

Thaien

Hi All-
  Cool topic Glory!
  Usually, I get very kinky when under stress. Very kinky. I have been under stress not only from the shared event, but from some other areas as well. For some reason, I am in a mellow phase. I have not felt unkinky, but just sort of happy to share time and physical closeness and even *gasp* sleepy vanilla sex with my lady- when there is time. I spent a half-hour just giving her a back rub tonight, and I felt really good with that. Maybe I am just harlequin now.....
  I feel the world as we have come to know it is gone. And I am just bewildered. I am not reacting in the ways I usually do to stress. I think I am counting myself lucky to be alive to regroup and I am in disbelief at all those who are not. I am still trying to figure out how to explain this world to my children.
  However, I have a feeling when I spin out of the bewildered stage I think I am going to be as kinky as all get out. Probably in super bottom crave mode. I think I will pick up some antibiotic ointment on the way home tomorrow.....I may be afraid to let go for that reason-who knows. For all of you who are in crave mode now, hope it works for you and go for it!
  As far as my lady goes, she is very much in need for pampering mode so I am doing my best...
   Anyway, I hope you all are well and may this week be allot better than last for everyone........W

This morning el Cacique said, "Nothing's the same and it's never going to be the same. But that doesn't mean NY isn't going to keep partying. And I'm still a pervert. And you're still a submissive."

Then he went out to do what must be done.

And I tried to do what must be done as well.

Thaien

Simply put...it takes me to another "world"..no conscious thoughts of the everyday worries can pass through the haze that cloaks my mind. Ahhhhh... to be there now...

Hi,folks. Just a quick note: if you haven't already seen it, please peek into HotDoc's section, where HotDoc, Thorn and I have all contributed some professional opinions on identifying and coping with stress.

Thaien wrote:
 Then he went out to do what must be done.
 And I tried to do what must be done as well.

... I must confess that my sleep-deprived mind doesn't quite grasp if that was a reference to public, vanilla life-stuff that must be done. When I first read it, I got a chuckle as I thought of what "must" be done is to kneel at my Mistress's feet, service her in any way she seems to enjoy, while she plans just how to punish my recent inattentiveness. What made me chuckle over that thought was my wondering if our President, in his wildest dreams, would have thought about kinky sex as part of "getting back to our daily lives", to mangle a phrase I'm sure he's uttered in recent days.

Too bad my mirth only lasted for a few seconds. I can definitely say that my drive to submit, to try and initiate sex... they do suffer under stress. And I'm only beginning to realize just how much the attack has affected me personally. I don't think I've slept more than 5 hours a night for the last week (not nearly enough for this boy). My mistress has been wonderful, and dealing in her own way. It may account for her increase in sex drive, which I could thankfully match (I've always had a strong sex drive... I just can't initiate right now). Unfortunately, I can only blame her for _one_ of the recent nights of little rest.

Heh, boy do I sound pathetic! "I can only get it up when my Mistress initiates sex! Poor me." (c;

Funnily enough, I actually find BDSM stressful. I'm on edge in the time leading up to a play session, and do feel slightly stressed during it. This isn't a bad thing though .... I do thrive on a certain amount of stress. In my working life I like to be busy and work better under pressure.

I find the stress I feel during BDSM play quite invigorating, although it does have the effect of making me tired afterwards. And I don't think stress is always a bad thing. I like the feeling of being in a different, slightly hyper, mode for a while, and it makes a nice contrast to my normal relaxed, laid back [who said 'lazy'?] self. I find it motivating and inspiring.

Of course, too much stress is not good .... or stress caused by things you can't deal with.

I'm afraid I haven't introduced myself yet, so I'll keep this short!

Thaien wrote:
 Then he went out to do what must be done.
 And I tried to do what must be done as well.

... I must confess that my sleep-deprived mind doesn't quite grasp if that was a reference to public, vanilla life-stuff that must be done. When I first read it, I got a chuckle as I thought of what "must" be done is to kneel at my Mistress's feet, service her in any way she seems to enjoy, while she plans just how to punish my recent inattentiveness. What made me chuckle over that thought was my wondering if our President, in his wildest dreams, would have thought about kinky sex as part of "getting back to our daily lives", to mangle a phrase I'm sure he's uttered in recent days.

- - - -

El Cacique meant it all.

I do admit too last night I was too stressed -- for very real reasons -- to go into kink head. It's getting kinda rough right here. And some well-meaning people have pushed =all= my alarm buttons, which hasn't helped either.

Many deep breaths. Exercise, kiddo. Exercise.

Thaien

Thaien, not to pry, but what kinds of alarm buttons have been pressed? Anything we can help with?

Just a reminder, folks, that this topic will be archived (in read-only format) next week. If you'd like to add your thoughts to this thread, do so before then, please.

Your Friendly Moderator

Ms. Gloria -- The alarm buttons pushed were those connected with more terrorist attacks directed specifically to NYC targets.

The persons who did so are members of professions that just =might= have enough hard information to make an authentic deduction that this would/will happen.

As well, in my own professon, the possibilities, the potential and the consequences of such catastrophes and attacks has always been a part of my calculations regarding making this city my home.

I love this city; I never realized how true this is until the 11th.

I saw in real life the 17 acres of the Ground Zero site Sunday, due to some odd circumstances, as I'm not a VIP, an official or authorized person, and my home is somewhat more a quarter mile away (recall the Towers were higher than that, when factoring in the transmittes, relay towers, etc. at the tops).

I am profoundly grateful that I didn't see the planes hit or the Towers go down.

As it is, seeing what is there even two weeks later -- that old politically incorrect poet, Ezra Pound, said that "Usura" (usury) gets between you and everything else, including the bridegroom and the bride in bed.

It's going to take time to work Sunday's sights out of getting between me and living.

However, the real sight is working as the viewing in a funeral home does, of making real the finality of the dear one's death.

Thanks for allowing me a spot to say that.

Thaien