** This fascinating topic comes to us from afraid9 **

I am wondering how many people routinely have sexual intercourse (penetration) as part of their BDSM, or during a BDSM session.

Do dominants think they can get more out of the submissive by holding out or not using penetration?

How do submissives feel about having (or not having) intercourse as part of their BDSM experience?

(note from your friendly moderator: keeping this thread open to all, feel free to define "intercourse" to include penetrating gay/lesbian sex, i.e. anal sex or the use of strap-ons for vaginal penetration)

Occasionally.

Justin Medlin
Young Dinosaur
    With
Poodle Flair

When I was submitting, penetration (predominantly anal but sometimes also vaginal) was not infrequent. At the moment my slave is not yet ready for penetration... but it's part of my future plan for him. I have never had sexual intercourse with him, but If I ever decide to do so, it would be in a situation and under conditions where he would be rendered an "object" as much as possible.

Oral sex wasn't included in this thread ... any reason for the exemption/distinction?

Deb

Yes, yes, yes, OH MY GOD YES!

LOL but I'm also in a monogamous relationship and don't play with anyone else. However, the few times I've played casually, it did involve some intercourse. Not nearly as much though................ >:)

two more cents for the kitty
crafty
p.s. anal sex can be het too................I assumed all forms of penetration were intended to be included in Dr. Glory's note.

It depends on the scene and other circumstances; sometimes yes, sometimes no. Some scenes depend on it, others don't.

i'd hate to think i couldn't play if for some reason sex wasn't an option at the time. i'm more adaptable than that. ;)

Peace
firebaby

OK, fire...you opened this can of pervy worms.... :-)

Can you explain which kind of "scenes depend on it" and which ones don't? Are we talking kidnap/rape type scenarios or something else?

(And just out of curiosity...how many of you subbies feel that oral sex to the dom must be part of a complete BDSM experience?)

When you say "penetration", are you just limiting it to a penis, or would it also include tongues, hands, dildos, vegetables, vibrators, butt plugs, enema bones, cooking utensils, hardware, and other various household objects?

Just curious

Nightheron

I have had sex (penetration...penis and other implements) with every encounter I've had with BDSM. There haven't been that many, but with every one, I have had sex. I get too turned on from all of it to NOT have sex as a part of the whole thing. Besides, I wouldn't engage in various activities with anyone I wasn't sexually and mentally attracted too.
  
I would imagine that if I didn't (have sex) with the person I was sceneing with...I would certainly find someone willing and able shortly there after to finish me off *g*.

To put my two cents in on the oral sex thing with a Dom...all I can say is its been very rare that I haven't done oral sex regardless of whether it was BDSM or vanilla. I love that part, so it would feel incomplete to me if it wasn't there.

Fix8ed

Let me see, Glory, if i can explain what i meant. First, let me say that we don't do scenarios like you mentioned; i couldn't act my way out of a paper bag so our scenes are pretty straightforward. Sometimes our scenes are primarily focused on intensifying my awareness of my position as a slave; sex is an integral part of those scenes. Sometimes the scenes are more focused on intense stimulations (pain, in case you're wondering ... yes, i'm a pain slut). These are very arousing for him, and also for me - up to a point. But for me, there comes a point where the sexual arousal is overshadowed by the other sensations and it becomes irrelevant. That's usually the type of scene that sends me spacing. And Master, although of course he's very aroused, usually will let me enjoy that space and will focus on aftercare.

We will always have sex after a scene like that, but it's usually removed from the context of the scene itself. It may come hours later, it may come soon after i come back down, but it will happen. But in my mind, it's not part of the particular scene at all, it's just part of our overall relationship.

Peace
firebaby

Does our BDSM include sexual intercourse . . . .

Duh.

:)

Thaien

Let me see, Glory, if i can explain what i meant. First, let me say that we don't do scenarios like you mentioned; i couldn't act my way out of a paper bag so our scenes are pretty straightforward. Sometimes our scenes are primarily focused on intensifying my awareness of my position as a slave; sex is an integral part of those scenes. Sometimes the scenes are more focused on intense stimulations (pain, in case you're wondering ... yes, i'm a pain slut). These are very arousing for him, and also for me - up to a point. But for me, there comes a point where the sexual arousal is overshadowed by the other sensations and it becomes irrelevant. That's usually the type of scene that sends me spacing. And Master, although of course he's very aroused, usually will let me enjoy that space and will focus on aftercare.

We will always have sex after a scene like that, but it's usually removed from the context of the scene itself. It may come hours later, it may come soon after i come back down, but it will happen. But in my mind, it's not part of the particular scene at all, it's just part of our overall relationship.

Peace
firebaby

Does our BDSM include sexual intercourse . . . .

Duh.

:)

Thaien

no...no....don't do it Justin...don't....no.

Yes.
Yes.
Yes.

If it didn't include intercourse I would be a quivering mess.

Oral sex or as I like to call it; honoring my Master's cock, is not always part of the experience. Although it is a large part of my training. ;-))

anal sex? It's Master's favorite. It is also included in every BDSM experience. I'm not quite sure how I feel about that, but then it's not up to me ,is it?

Dear secret garden,

" honoring my Master's cock"

That's a nice way to put it :-)

A year ago my slave coined a lovely phrase in Italian that I like very much: "Adorare la Divina Fica Padronale (DFP)". Translated this means "To Adore the Divine Pussy of the Mistress" (it just ain't got the same elegant ring in English *sigh*).

Another cross-cultural sharing from...

Deb
(Owner of the DFP)

Oh gosh, back to penetration...

How could I forget? A couple of months ago my slave surprised me with a gift, an object that I'd been wanting to buy for a while: one of those leather masks with a cock where the slave's mouth should be.

It's really the gift that keeps on giving... :-D

Deb

Id love to take credit for this topic, but in fact I did not suggest it! However my take on this subject is: orgasm, ejactualtion yes, but penetration not neccessarily.

With my slave, BDSM activity often takes place outside of any formal 'scene'. That activity nearly always has no intercourse (in less you count her wearing a butt-plug in public). During any given day, I may call and have her do somthing while I listen on the phone, or while I am there in person, that dosent involve me touching her in any way. Yet all of this activity is always out side of a 'scene'. she has been trained to know when a scene or (my preference) 'session' begins (her being ordered to stand, and then to kneel) and she knows painfully well that strict rules apply during the session that my be relaxed or non-existant outside of the session. That said - My sessions have a clearly definded beginning and end and I read your question to be about intercourse during 'sessions'.

During sessions, Im guessing that I penetrate her (reward her) with my cock about half of the time. This isnt that the session is so overwehlming that I forget it. Instead, it is due to something that I'm surprised hasen't been mentioned already. It is because I enjoy ( and she is crazy for ) " pussy neglect " (or cock neglect - depending on your situation). There are so many dynamics to pussy neglect that I could never list them all here. A few of the majors are the humiliation/objectification it gives her, the obvious power exchange (I'll fuck you when I want to, you get fucked only when I decide to fuck you), the wanton tension it builds in her and her reaction (going completely bananas) when I do reward her.

I havent really considered the frequency question until I saw this post. Looking back, I am surprised at these other personal statistics:

Insertion with some type of foreign object, takes place during every session. I think this may be tied to the idea that I dont see her as 'submitted' until she is bound and filled with hardware.

I may not flog her every time but I she does receive a bare hand spanking during every session. (not really sure why this is)

I provide her with some type of oral activity almost constantly throughout the session. She is either suckng on something, licking somthing, or gagged. This I think is due to my ideas of connection between oral offering and servitude. The mouth is a device for receiving - if she is receiving, then I must be giving - Right?

This was a most insightful question. Frequency, Hmmmmmm...............

WR

My answer to the two questions on this - yes, sexual intercourse is part of our BDSM play and most definitely oral sex is part of it - I always love his cock - before, during and after -

The trouble I have with this one is that (for the most part ) the line has always been a little blurry between my BDSM relationships and my vanilla ones.

Most of the "vanilla" women I've known have had fantasies about bondage, domination, and light corproal punishment. These were not relationships based on Domination and submission, so the kink was just foreplay.

On the other hand, the few relationships I've had which were SOLELY based on D/s, due to circumstance and mutual agreement, the submissive received only bondage, CP, and psychological/verbal Domination.

Nightheron