GloriaBrame 2001-07-04 20:08

Once upon a time, there was a quaint little community known as Gainesville, Georgia. It was filled with lots and lots of poultry farms, and prided itself on being "the chicken capitol of America!" Some major poultry processing plants operate out of Gainesville, and employ lots of good, honest, hard-working bubbas who pluck and clean and prepare those chickens for our dinner tables.

But one day, the managers at one of the biggest plants made a shocking discovery. Some of the naughty boys working on the chicken assembly line were "having their way" with the poultry. Apparently the workers believed that since the chickens were going to die ANYWAY, and be all cut up, nobody would ever notice!

And so, for a time, many a foul fowl was being processed alongside pure, virgin birds.

But thankfully the shame was exposed and the workers who'd been enjoying their chickens uncooked were arrested. There was only one problem: neither the quaint town of Gainesville nor the bubba-headed state of Georgia had any laws under which the miscreants could be convicted for this crime against nature. They could only get them on misdemeanors involving health ordinances.

So, in their infinite wisdom, the same political system that brought you Newt Gingrich and Joe Barr, enacted new legislation to make sure that the next time some bubbas decided to go chicken-fuckin' on an assembly line, they could charge them with that crime. Explicitly.

And that is how the state of Georgia came to have a law against doing the deed with cluckers who eat seed.

Moral of the story: remember, boys and girls. You aren't just what you eat. Without anti-chicken-fucking laws, you could be what other people ejaculate into what you eat.

BON APPETIT!

Justin

Glory