What does SSC mean to you?

The credo of "Safe, Sane, and Consensual" is something most BDSMers live and play by. Many non-kinksters, however, don't understand what we mean by it. If sympathetic but perplexed vanilla friends asked you to explain how deliberate injury can be "safe" or slavery "consensual," what would you tell them? How do you define "Safe, Sane and Consensual"?

I feel pretty much the same way about SSC as FemServant. When I first started playing actively I thought SSC was a credo to live by but the more I've heard people debate what it means and more than anything the way I've seen some hypocrites (you know who you are!) abuse it by applying SSC to anything and everything THEY do (as opposed to what others in the Scene do, if they choose to play differently) the more I realize that this term maybe is most helpful to newbies who are worried that bdsm=abuse. I f you're already accepting of your bdsm feelings and know you and what you do is moral and acceptable, then the buzzwords aren't as important and in fact just lead to a lot of meaningless debates. FOR EXAMPLE. I don't use safewords with my playmates. Wh y? simple. It doesn't feel "real" to me if someone screams out "pineapple" right in the middle of a scene. That just cracks me up and ruins the mood. Now some people I've met look at me like I'm a cockroach when I say I don't use safewords and tell me I'm not playing "safe" or "sane." Not true! I only play with people who like me will say something in plain English when a session is going too far or getting too intense. My point of view is that people are kidding themselves that crying "pineapple" is going to keep anyone safe IF you can't be sure your partner herself is a good, safe, responsible person in the first place. Sorry I know I'm rambling but I felt this had to be said. Also if I was trying to explain this all to a vanilla I probably wouldn 't get into such detail because I wouldn't want to boggle their brains :) To a vanilla person I guess I'd explain that SSC is really like the expression "and it harm none." Meaning, we do this for pleasure. We don't do it to hurt people. I can't stres s this enough that SM is NOT about harm but about PLEASURE. It's when it stops becoming pleasure and turns into harm that we, as mature, caring people, stop (or should stop). To me I guess what SSC REALLY means is 1. you know who you are, 2. you know wh at you like, and 3. you find people who share your interests so 4. in the end everyone gets what they need and want......"and it harm none." That's something everyone should be able to understand.
Flower of Isis
State of Nirvana - Wednesday, May 27, 1998 at 21:51:29 (EDT)
This is a difficult topic to tackle and it's taken me a couple of days to form my response. There are so many levels to BDSM play that it's hard to give a single sweeping statement that reflects the "credo" of the scene. To me, "Safe, Sane and Consentu al" refers to an ideal that I strive for in play. When I restraign or or inflict pain on my sub, it's for our mutual pleasure. We have sophisticated needs, wants and desires and they become fulfilled through play. I have found the D&S relationships that I have been in to be be extremely loving and intimate. The focus of BDSM for me is to share an extraordinary experience with someone I care for deeply. For me, the key to success in D&S is communication. I need to have safe words, negotiated "rules" and ab solute reverence for anything that is negotiated outside of play. Then, when in play there is enough trust to allow me to take the scene as far as I want to go. I will know that my partner clearly understands her responsibility to let me know if something seems out of bounds. I take my responsibility as a Dominate very seriously. The "Credo" represents forsight in things like knowing how to safely tie up your sub, how to play without doing permanent damage, knowing where to draw the line (emotionally) bet ween "real life" and "play". I know that my ideas do not represent all or even most of the scene but this is what it's all about for me.
Satori (satori@writeme.com)
Santa Monica, CA USA - Wednesday, May 27, 1998 at 11:44:42 (EDT)
I have mixed feelings about the credo of "Safe, Sane, and Consensual." It is a phrase that has little objective meaning, and is open to wide interpretation by those who live by it. I fear that many people who practice SM believe that their interpreta tion must by default apply to everyone else, and thus I can see the potential for a lot of judgment and friction between those who assign different meanings to the words. In my opinion, there are no rules -- excepting of course activities that involve ch ildren or wholly unwilling victims -- and each person must decide for him or herself what is safe, what is sane, and what is consensual. In my own relationship I give little thought to the credo. I trust my Master to keep me safe and to keep our activiti es sane (whatever that means). Consent is a non-issue for me. I gave up the right to consent or deny when I entered my relationship, and my Master does not need my agreement or cooperation for whatever he decides to do with me.
Eliza
Athens, GA USA - Wednesday, May 27, 1998 at 10:29:37 (EDT)
To me, S/m is the consentual exchange of sexual power for the pleasure and satisfaction of the partners involved. There is a HUGE difference, emotionally, between being hurt but not injured, with your express consent and desire, in a sexually exciting context, than being hurt, harmed maimed or worse, by say, a rapist or abusive partner. Abuse takes place without consent. S/m is not abuse. As a "considerate Sadist" I want my lover alive, undammaged and howling with pain and pleasure again and again.
Ms Kayla (RopeDomme@aol.com)
Ca USA - Wednesday, May 27, 1998 at 05:30:51 (EDT)
My answers are bi-partisan. i've always been "bad" at making up my mind definitely, though its because i feel strongly on both sides. One side of me is generally getting more and more squicked each time i hear "The Credo." i have to admit this . It is starting to make me cringe to be honest with You.This is also two-fold. i get an extreme sense of "ALERT" - pc.. pc.. PC! True, back some time ago, i thought PC was a fair response to a lot of unfairness that i saw around me - i was an advocate. Now, it has backlashed so fast and hard that i find it to be rather opp ressive in itself. Exactly what it set out to combat. PC is what i hear accompanying SCC. Number one, i dont really want to be "PC" anymore. Number two, i dont know who it is we are trying to fool, but i dont really see BDSM becoming a mainstream accep ted idea. True, over time, we as lifestylers may be *tolerated* for our "quirks" but whether the mainstream will ever see it as anything other than a quirk, i dont think so. For me, though, that is just fine. i can be different and be just as happy with myself for that, and i can create a world in which all of my needs, whatever they are, are met. In addition, i can say for myself that i tend to like things a little unsafe, insane, and nonconsensual. That adds to the excitement for me. Also, i see tons of very hypocritical people who choose to boast of "The Credo" when it is convenient, o r when present company includes those outside of "The Inner Circle." Tons, i tell You. Again, i am only being honest. And.. that is alright with me, because i am right along with them. But at least i will admit what it is that i like, and can own up t o not really living up to that SCC model. Not that i think i am more *holy* than You, or honest, but i dont say what i dont mean - therefore, i dont go around screaming about SCC, as if was a PC-acceptable savior from all of my perversities. Back to the PC again. YMMV. The second part of me cant give up that easily, and remembers that part where You mention sympathetic vanilla-ites in my world. And yes, i do want them in my world too if they are willing to listen. As far as the ones who are deaf to it, so be it; i dont have the time to deal with it, sorry. But, to explain, and to explain to myself too: i would have to say that in a world where controlled violence is the pinnacle (for some) of our relationships, i'd have to agree that we need some standard an d some rules - and perhaps that is where SCC really does make a big difference. without it, i'd have to agree, we would be a real world of chaos. SSC is only one of our rules and a part of our etiquette. i need that type of boundary. Maybe Controlled should be added to the List of SCC, but then.. well, i like a little out of control too. Geez, i'm hopeless..! ;-)
Fem S (FemServant@aol.com)
New Orleans, LA USA - Wednesday, May 27, 1998 at 02:19:03 (EDT)
I can only speak for what safe, sane and consensual means to me, as it is with all of us who live this lifestyle. I feel safe with my Master, for while I know some of the things he does may hurt me physically, he would never hurt me in an irreparible way. I put my trust and love in a man that I know is sane, (all things being relative), and that when I am in subsp ace and not in control, that he will care for me even as he takes pleasure in what he inflicts upon me. Consensual speaks for itself I believe. I would not be here, nor would my Master were it not exactly where we both wished to be.
Cutie (CutieDomi@aol.com)
Birmingham, AL USA - Tuesday, May 26, 1998 at 20:42:06 (EDT)
Everything is relative. Deliberate injury can be safe. Cane marks eventually go away. Bruises eventually fade. As an owned slave I know that my slavery is consensual because I have already consented to by my Mistress's slave. No one FORCED me to b e her slave or Her to be my Mistress. Slavery is therefore consensual if both parties consent to it. To me (and only to me) safe, sane, and consensual means that the parties will act in a responsible manner which does not result in permanent debilitatin g injury (either mentally or physically). The consensual part of the definition means that neither party is coerced and both parties desire the particular power dynamic of their relationship.
Tinkerbell (tnkrbell77@aol.com)
Atlanta, Ga USA - Monday, May 25, 1998 at 07:13:26 (EDT)


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