TOPIC: Is SSC Outdated? Why or Why Not?

Posted by Memneth (aka Justin)
2001-06-12 20:59

Recently, the question of SSC has been a hot topic among many people that I know. Some swear by it, others see it as now being no more than a marketing slogan to make us more "normal" to the rest of the world. They think SSC lowers the bar to the lowest common denominator, thereby pushing out the heavier players who play safely, but whose activities--when seen by people who know nothing about the activity or the person start screaming "that's not safe"--force them to take their play completely private.

Is SSC still the community wide standard that we should embrace or is there something else that would be better now?

Justin

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[note: SSC = safe, sane, consensual]

Justin,

SSC is a great starting point. The deeper one goes into a D&s relationship, the more that starting point can blur. At a certain point, the Dominant can become the submissive's drug. The submissive may feel they must submit, they have no choice but to submit, they couldn't live without submission to their Master/Mistress. At that point, "sanity" flies out the window.

It's really not that different from a vanilla romance. The more intoxicating the passions, the deeper the romance.

Nightheron

At the risk of sounding even more jaded *eg* hasn't SSC always been little more than a sound bite for the masses?

Safe is a relative term ... an activity that's perfectly safe when performed by one individual with considerable experience could be quite dangerous when undertaken by someone else who has no idea what they're doing. As an extreme example, consider a trip to the dentist. Do you really want ME in your mouth with a drill? I don't think so! But a real dentist, who knows what they hell they're doing, is an entirely different matter. It's no different with many forms of SM play. Do you really want someone who has no idea what they're doing putting stuff up your butt?

Sane is also a relative term, as a walk through the downtown core of any city will confirm *s*. What works for some people may not work for you or I.

And consensual? Maybe I'm naive, but that's sort of a given, no? What else separates pleasurable sex from criminal assault?

The big question is, what would be better now? I don't know that our community really needs another marketing slogan of sorts, but if it does, I would think something along the lines of "responsible play" would better fit the bill.

Craig

SSC ........ those words have given me more than a few hours of thought.

SSC ..... it appears that the original intent was more along the lines of physical ....... and not emotional ... and although there is no doubt that this lifestyle offers more chances for abuse ... physical harm ..... and "whatever" ..... to me it is the failure to not only consider but to also expound upon the aspects that are similar to vanilla.

in many respects a relationship is that .... a relationship. There is much emotion that goes into the beginnings of any relationship and this lifestyle is much more intense ..... even in the beginning.

i do not know about other people ..... but i have noticed that many a submissive gets emotional "hurt" many many many more times then they get physically hurt. i wonder if many have given consideration to the affect of intense sex with a BDSM twist will have on the typical< ???? not really sure about that> submissive.

i mean really ......... you meet someone on line .... you talk to someone on line ..... then you plan to meet in person ..... if it is a distance you can pretty much be sure that "scening" on the first meeting will happen.

i often wonder if the old saying ...... "women give sex for love and men give love for sex" in some ways also is applicable in this lifestyle.

i have to think back to the first Dom that i had talked to on line and then finally decided to meet. Now it is true that i had an image of him from our conversations and his writings ..... and i will also admit that i was not all that comfortable knowing that he was "looking" and "scening" with a few different subs while on his search. i also had figured out that "it seemed the norm" that sexual compatibility was a "TOP" priority in this lifestyle so that sex either on the first meeting or very soon after was a given.

to someone that is new ...... to someone who is brought up in a society that frowns on "promiscuous behavior" ..... by the female i might add ..... it is a catch 22. and then there is the "downhill spiral" that almost always happens when the subs finds that they have .... even if to a very small degree ..... given from the core of themselves .... something to a submissive and it means little or nothing to him. She/he was just something to be used .... which in fact is how it is ..... but in a relationship/

Sorry if i am rambling but i have to tell you that it confuses me. it is as though the words do not fit with the actions ......... or maybe it is that the words now have a different meaning that i still do not know.

Storm

I agree with you Craig (not much new there) but SSC it seems to me has gone beyond a marketing slogan. If a group or individual does not have the rubber stamp of approval from the SSC police they are going to have problems. Keep in mind that we leave everything to the individual, no rules, no standards. I wonder why any of the people from the 40's on managed to live through the sessions without having SSC in place? One of the aspects that upsets the most about the state of SSC is that it is quickly pushing the heavier edge players out and back underground. We now hear calls for "blood free zones" in public play spaces, we hear of people whose view of S&M range from about 14 inches to 19 inches diagonally who come in and see things that know nothing about and do not bother to ask about...all they know is that from their point of view its not safe, and how could it possibly be sane? They start telling people that the top who was doing the activity was "not safe!" I do believe that SSC as it has been allowed to exist has lowered the bar of "acceptable" types and levels of play. I am not knocking light play, God knows I play a lot harder now than when I started out and still enjoy a lot of it, but when for public play within dungeon spaces that I am acting within the rules set that I am no longer made to feel welcome because what I may do is "heavy" or "edgy" by the standards of the day, then maybe it is time for me to go back underground? And should it reach the point where the only tool that I can take out of my bag is a bunny fur flogger, a spray bottle and a vibrator then I will have no choice but to go underground. SSC has very little way to be applied to everyone beyond as Craig said, consensuality. But it is still the one standard that we preach from on high. So if we leave it as is, does that mean that those of us who are sadists should simply pack our bags, go home and stay home?

Justin

I agree with all of you about this topic. I do however view things in a twisted kind of way with this. Although there is always room for me to be enlightened by different opinions and views. I have read over and over about SSC, I think a million times bla bla bla. (LOL) and does it need to be revised in some way...yes I think so. What is safe...sane...consensual? I sometimes wonder if this is what we all hide behind at times to justify our actions to ourselves and others for the way we live.

The part that confuses me at times is I believe in my heart completely that it is right...I know what I need and I love my submission to my M and it feels good so it must be right. However just because it feels right and seems right does not always mean for everyone it is.  They say things are not always the way they appear.

 I do not think anything is safe...anything can happen...it could be anything from bondage to walking down the street. What is so sane about what we practice except for the D/s aspect of the relationship. What is it that drives us to take pain within pleasure? What is it that drives us to want to please so badly that we would be willing to do almost anything at times.

As far as consent goes well, after one deep night within the bondage aspect of this lifestyle (our new beginning)...feeling what I felt on that beautiful night I consented right then and there to my husband/Master and what is so sane about that? Not knowing the future ...where we were going to go with anything and consenting to unbelievable acts of which I have enjoyed completely.  The more one does the more they crave.

I do agree with you 100 percent nightheron that yes it does become like a drug... an addiction you can't escape. Just for the record lol we will continue to help others understand us and preach SSC.

*~Dawn~*

Hi, folks. The following popped up on one of my mailing lists. Not only is it totally relevant to the thread Justin's started this week, but I really like this concept of Risk Aware Consensual Kink!

The author, Steve Bower (email: sbower@best.com), gave me permission to post it here in its entirety:

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A phrase I'd not heard before: RACK - Risk Aware Consensual Kink is making the rounds through a few discussion mailing lists, etc. as a potentially "better" description than the current "mantra" of SSC - Safe, Sane, Consensual.

I personally like it a lot as I see that it has the value of rolling Safety
and Sanity into the larger view of the potential Risks that we assume when
we do what we do. It highlights the consensual aspect which is the
cornerstone, and mentions Kink in a broad stroke which encompasses a wide
strip of behaviors. It also leaves open the door of what is kinky to you
may be different from me, and keeps them all under the same umbrella.

RACK is also "kinkier", e.g. nobody ever said (in my best Monty Python
Spanish Inquisition accent) "Cardinal Fang, Give the SSC another turn!"
(but this is a minor and silly point)

I like this, and I'm interested in what others think?

Thanks, Steve.

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I have heard of RACK before and like it a lot better too...there is another one going around that starts with a "V". I guess I should try and run down Laura Antoniou's speech that she gave on SSC awhile back...because I think it made a lot points that people never think about. RACK would be a step in the right direction though.

Justin

Justin:

Look into your crystal ball, and what do you see a few years down the road? Fragmentation where hard-core players and light players ultimately split into distinct groups? Your comment about packing your bags and going home is probably not all that tongue-in-cheek, really. If the current commercialization of bdsm continues, you could well be right.

Save me a spot by the bar!

Craig

Craig and Justin ..........

Maybe i am just weird ........but it seems that it is the players that have ruined so much for the hard core lifestylers.

From what i have read and listened to, it appears that most who get into this lifestyle .... while they talk a great story about being accepting ... non judgmental ..... as well as open ...... in many respects they are worse then the Vanilla folks. IMHO ... they come with their own style of kink ... their own set of rules .... and although they may not see it for what it is .... they have their views and what deviates is either "unsafe" ... "totally insane" or "non consensual".

i still have to go back to something that i said in other posts ........ there is a language and a culture barrier .. that until it is learned ...... will create situations that are viewed as "inappropriate" and dangerous.

SSC is needed and in many ways does serve a purpose but i am wondering if the thrust should somehow be geared more towards the "culture shock" and the reality that 2+2 no longer equal 4 ... they equal 3 or perhaps 5 and sometimes even 7.

There is something else that i wonder about and that is there really seems to be a few subcultures within the BDSM culture and these subcultures complicate as well as confuse the Novice. again imho ... which i
i am more than a bit confused at my sudden outburst here ..... there needs to be more of a distinction or perhaps just explanation between D/s ...... BDSM ...... and kinky sex. i am not sure if i am making much sense here but ............ kinky sex and the enjoyment of it between two consenting adults is not D/s ..... it is more the top/bottom BDSM. Coming into this lifestyle ......... learning first about the submissive .. dominant mindset ...... yet being exposed to the kinky Top/bottom initially can blow ones mind away.

i am not sure if i am making too much of this but ........ it sure as hell confused me. i mean .... i am exposed to a lifestyle that is so far from what i have ever experienced ...... yet i read the words about D/s and the ideology of honest .... trust .... communication ...... acceptance ..... caring ..... cherishing and think that it applies to everything ....... it is like the blanket of protection that has me believing that all who i meet along the way will be living by these standards and they do not.

Then there is also the discovery that there may really be something to my being a submissive and so i read more on that ......... the submissive attitude ...... the submissive behavior ...... the expectations of a submissive from a Dominants point of view and it all makes sense ........ except that the Doms i meet are not really Doms .......... they are tops looking for bottoms ....... and either have no clue about submissive or they don't give a damn.

i do not want a top ....... i do not want a Dom for kinky sex ....... i do not want to be played ... taken advantage of and/or abused because i thought i knew what the words and the actions meant only to learn that it was really "learn and understand" by making all of the mistakes.

i guess that there was a time when those in this lifestyle were much closer in the combined belief system that was the corner-stone for most BDSMer's. Now, it appears that the spectrum of people is much more diverse ... much more right or left of the core concept then ever before.

There is control and then there is CONTROL ...... and they are worlds apart. i am still not sure that i know the difference ......... but i am much further along than i was say three years ago.

sorry for the rambling on ........ this thread just sort of touched something in me. Now all i have to do is read and reread so i can really know what i said <g>.

Storm

From: Thorn4MyRose
(general posting)

Great comments (as usual), folks. :-)

My view has been (and will likely always be) that whether a slogan, sound bite, fundamental, or common standard, 'what you call it' isn't nearly (nor should be) as important as what you do with it.

Use it to illustrate to someone that your philosophy in causing erotic pain is to do so without being abusive nor causing injury, and at least they have a basic understanding of the 'good' that can come from it. Use it to explain to people who are new to the Scene that our 'community' is not about things which could be viewed as domestic violence, and at least they MIGHT open their minds to the amazing, deep, POSITIVE connection that can occur. Using it to demonstrate that no matter what 'level' someone scenes at, a basic premise exists that focuses on ensuring the participants will live to see another day, and at least there's some common reference throughout amazingly divergent approaches. Etc. Etc. Etc.

Use it (or any other conglomeration) as a parroted platitude and it means little to nothing.

;-)
T.

Craig,
      It really was not tongue in cheek. I will save you a spot at the bar. Again the part that is hard for me to swallow is that a lot of the older hard core players are the ones that made it possible for the people who enjoy only the lighter aspects of play to come out, to be able to express what they like, do and feel.....all the maintaining that we have room for everyone so long as it meets with their approval. Believe me, I started thinking about about going back under ground some time ago......hasn't come to that yet, and it will surely be interesting to see if it does.

Storm,
      you hit on I think part of the problem, as did Night.....SSC is a great BEGINNING step......hopefully as people learn they learn and internalize what is right for them. Also, the majority of those coming "in" today are in my not so humble opinion doing so from a top/bottom point of view. Its about the play leading to sex and thats kewl. I like sex. A lot. But it has never been nor do I foresee it to be the driving force behind who and what I am. SSC when applied to play that is non sexual in nature is much harder for some to understand and thus be able to be seen in the golden light of Safe, Sane and Consensual. For me it has always been about and continues to be about the ENERGY exchange, not the splooge exchange. The energy that is at play and is exchanged by the heavier players is not better than that of others, but it is in a lot of ways more pure. But that's just my opinion, that and a buck will get you a cup of coffee :)

Justin

Dear Storm,
I think that the original intent of SSC was to try to differentiate between BDSM and outright abuse. It was an attempt to emphasize that each person *wanted* what was going on, and were striving to protect both person's physical and emotional well-being.
Love affairs are often intense, and passionate, without respect to their vanilla to kink ratio.
I do try to consider the effect of any BDSM (and other things that I do) with my partner, whether or not he is explicitly submissive.
I can truly empathize with you about the scening with somebody that you don't know, except from on-line. That is not something that I would be comfortable with. As a femmedomme instead of a submissive, I don't feel obligated to do so, but I can grasp the pressure that you must feel. I don't know what to say, except to remind you, "To thine own self be true." If you are uncomfortable with casual scening, if you will feel used, then you should communicate that to your potential Dom/me before you meet. If they are unwilling to accommodate you, then you know that your needs are unimportant to them. At that point, I would reject that person as a potential Dom/me, since BDSM is very tied to respecting and negotiating limits, and being mindful of the submissive's well-being.
I would not try to tell you that you cannot be promiscuous. I just fear for you if you try to be that which you are not.
"Maybe i am just weird ........but it seems that it is the players that have ruined so much for the hard core lifestylers. "
You probably are weird; aren't we all? ;) I must agree with you that the wannabes are lowering the bar to suit their own purposes. From my observation, most of the folks seem to be tops or bottoms, not dominants or submissives. That is fine, but the dishonesty in calling themselves that which they are not is disturbing. Most people "squick" easily, perhaps especially if they think that they are kinky and open-minded. "If it even disturbs *me*, it *must* be bad."
"yet i read the words about D/s and the ideology of honest .... trust .... communication ...... acceptance ..... caring ..... cherishing and think that it applies to everything ....... it is like the blanket of protection that has me believing that all who i meet along the way will be living by these standards and they do not."
Those are things that I wanted, even before I was even slightly aware of BDSM. However, we cannot assume that other people will abide by those standards. To trust, when trust has not been earned, is dangerous.

Dear memneth,
Isn't it often that way? Those who pave the way often do so with their bodies and minds. The masses are never truly ready for the edge, even if they like to brush up against it on occasion.
" Also, the majority of those coming "in" today are in my not so humble opinion doing so from a top/bottom point of view. Its about the play leading to sex and that's kewl."
This is a big part of why I had initially identified myself as a top, not a Domme. After learning more, and considering, what I truly *need* is the control, not the kink. Therefore, I do feel that I can, in good conscience, consider myself to be a Domme. I still don't live up to my standards for knowledge, but I am working on that. It's like anything else, the more that we learn, the more ignorant we realize that we are. ;) For me, BDSM is sexual, but it's primarily sensual and spiritual. It certainly doesn't have to lead to sex.
"The energy that is at play and is exchanged by the heavier players is not better than that of others, but it is in a lot of ways more pure."
It is very difficult for a casual player, having casual play, to be able to be as high quality as a team with a spiritual connection.

Dear Gloria,
I also think that "RACK" is more accurate than SSC. I've heard a joke going around about SSC. "Two out of three ain't bad, and one will do in a pinch."
Heck, some people think that homosexuality is insane, or that promiscuous sex is insane. Do we have to have our play pre-approved by a board-certified psychologist?
As far as safe goes, as we like to say in horseback riding circles, "in expert hands, any tool can be safe. In the hands of a novice, that same tool is like a razorblade in a monkey's hand."

Opalescent Dreams,
                   When I say that the majority coming in today are tops and bottoms (meaning its the play itself that drives them) and that the play that they engage in leads to sex and that kewl....it is kewl...for THEM. I do not seek to deny them their right to engage thusly. I do not identify as a dominant, I am one. Its not about the sex or play...and yes most all play involves a huge amount of sexual energy. Its about control and the control that exists outside of the dungeon or bedroom. What I am seeking and which SSC does not seem to offer anymore is come respect....I respect the right of their play to do for them what they want and desire. I would appreciate the same respect in return. Even under better circumstances than exist today that would be a tall order...but educating people for seems in some large way to stop with handing them three letters....SSC and telling them what they stand for. It leaves no obvious options of choice, because "safe " and "sane" are left to the individuals to decide what is safe and sane for THEM. No problem, that is for certain as it should be. However, when they start applying their standard to other people arbitrarily without having any idea of what it is that they are seeing...without knowing anything about the person doing the activity...and without even asking about it due to the fact that its not "SSC" to them.....then SSC has not only failed, but it has done a disservice to not only the people that they are branding with the big "U" (unsafe) but to the community as large. I also understand your reference to spirituality.....that's what it is about to me...the control and the ENERGY exchange that goes with it. That is for me very spiritual, its at the core of who and what I am. I find for me that the energy exchange that I feel when I play and when I am with others, who play hard, heavy, edgy, insert your adjective here...that the energy exchange is much more pure...its more primal and base. I do not know if that makes sense or not, but I can't even say that its just me.....because I do know others that feel the same. I would not get that energy exchange by assaulting someone...it DOES need to be consensual. That's the only part of SSC that rings true.

Justin

Jesus! With all the long, well thought out responses here, i don't know how i can contribute. i'll guess i'll give the novice perspective then.

Yes, i do believe standards have a place in the BDSM community. When i go to my first play party in a few days, you're damn right i'm going to use SSC till the cows come home (don't worry, i'll tell you all about how the play party went *wink*). i do believe newbies like me do need general rules about how the BDSM world works (to provide some structure and discipline, if you will). It's just that it should be stressed more that ones' opinion of SSC can be completely different of another's' opinion. Not enough open communication is the real problem here. And yes, when i do get more experience and/or find the right Dom, my opinions of what SSC is will most likely change. No one knows what the future holds, but for now, i'll think i'll keep SSC around for the time being.

Craig says: Do you really want ME in your mouth with a drill? I don't think so!

Well i don't know Craig, for all you know it could turn me on. <g>

"To thine own self be true." If you are uncomfortable with casual scening, if you will feel used, then you should communicate that to your potential Dom/me before you meet. If they are unwilling to accommodate you, then you know that your needs are unimportant to them.

That is exactly why i had a Dom for 6 months ... three years ago and i have scene once with another Dom who turned out to be more interested in his own agenda then in anything regarding me.

i am who i am, and although i have died a thousand deaths trying to balance what i read ... and get from chatting with others and this board .... with what i encounter ....... i still have a long way to go.

Someone who i have chatted with on occasion mentioned the word abandon ........... and that word haunted me for several days before it made any real sense to me. i did find that another piece of my submissive puzzle has found it's place.

i agree that the SSC concept is needed both for the Vanillas who are interested in learning about this lifestyle as well as the Novices who are just dipping their toes in the water.

i do think that there needs to be something further .. i am not sure just what ....... but since i do enjoy pondering ........ i shall do just that.

love SP6x1 all

Storm

Gee, with all the wonderful articulate people posting here, let me put my 2 cents worth. I'm a potential submissive with no real life experience who hopes one day to fall in love with a dom and willing to wait forever. So far all the potential doms I met were insincere wannabes and players of the field which I found frightening and discouraging.
Maybe I'm too fussy or not looking hard enough but I think that in the DS/SM world there should be room for everybody. I mean, where would all the inexperienced people learn, other than play clubs(a place I always shied away from)? I think at this point, if I met someone who was appealling, honorable and kind I'd consider just to play with him in order to break the ice, although that's not my ideal...
g

granada85,
          if you find someone who is honorable and kind you won't have to worry about them SSC. That is not to say that they won't make mistakes, but they will have got the education that they need to handle them, as well as be able to raise their hand and say "my fault". Honesty, which leads to Trust which leads to Respect (both way I might add) kicks SSC in the ass every time.

Justin

R.A.C.K. vs S.S.C.

I am sure that most everyone reading this knows what SSC stands for......Safe, Sane and Consensual. Its catchy, easy to remember and it has been a worthwhile marketing slogan for the BDSM lifestyle no matter what your level of involvement. Over time though it has become less useful to the people actually engaging in BDSM activities, but perhaps even more useful in making us appear more "normal" to the outside world. What's "normal" by the way?

Lets break down the acronyms and see which bests serves the people who actually engage in BDSM activities, then you decide which works best the for you.

Safe: Free from harm. All necessary precautions that can be taken for a particular activity have been. Sounds good. Now define safe for yourself. So far so good. Define safe for everyone else that engages in BDSM. There in lies the catch with Safe, its impossible to come up with an even close, satisfactory universal definition that covers anyone other than yourself. What one person considers safe another may think is not only unsafe as it applies to themselves but damn close to insane as well. Single tails, cuttings, needle play and brandings are just a few of the activities that some of us engage that many others find beyond their limits and thus unsafe for themselves. Safe on the other hand, is one of the reasons that SSC is such a wonderful marketing tool for some of the best political activist groups that we have, and thank goodness for them, such as the NCSF (National Coalition of Sexual Freedom) who is working very hard to get and keep the government out of your bedroom. "Safe" is a comforting word to those that they are working with to get laws changed and passed.

Sane: This another tough one to define. Sane to most of us means that we have clear mental facilities at the time that we are engaging in any BDSM activity, that we are neither high, drunk or unbalanced mentally in any way. Sounds good. Sane is rarely applied to any activity, so like Safe, Sane is left to the individual. What you consider to be a sane activity I may think is completely crazy. Sane is another comfort word that's wonderful in selling what it is that we do. The media often portrays anyone into S&M as being a deranged serial killer at worst and usually criminal to some lesser degree at best, so its nice to be able to convey the fact that the majority of the people who engage in BDSM, including S&M are level headed sane people who just like to spice up their sex lives with the additions of whips and chains.

Consensual: This is the one that we all seem to agree on. If the person you are playing with has not fully consented to whatever it is that is taking place, its wrong, its assault and its abusive. Consent in what we do is the very fine line that divides us from criminals and abusers. Informed consent that is given while NOT under duress is able to be applied to those that engage in BDSM play and able to be understood by those that do not. It seems to be the most honest of the three of SSC.

Ok, lets examine R.A.C.K. which has not been around all that long and is widely unknown by those who engage in BDSM activities. Risk Aware Censual Kink.

Risk: What are things that can go wrong, even with the best of planning and at the hands of the most experienced player. Risk does not imply Safe, it implies that there can be dangers that have to be weighed before engaging in any activity. Risk would be a much harder sell than Safe to the vanilla world. It somewhat implies that what we do is in fact dangerous. Isn't most if not all of what we do dangerous to some degree? I think so.

Aware: Now that you know what the risks are for a given BDSM play activity do you accept those risks and are you aware of what the possibilities are if something should go wrong and they should befall you? Acceptance means that yes, you are aware of the risk involved and that you knowingly and willingly accept those risks. There is no debate about whether or not its Sane. Aware means that you, after weighing the risks to the enjoyment and benefit of the activity, to YOU that it is sane and that you can make an informed decision/ It re-enforces the fact that what we do is in fact up to the individuals participating. Its honest.

Consensual: Same as above. The two (or more) people involved in any BDSM play activity are informed consenting ADULTS and that consent has not been obtained under duress (with a gun to someone's head for example).

Kink: This implies that what we do is somewhat outside the mainstream. Kink is an umbrella term and one that is good, in that it covers everyone. What I consider to be kinky you might consider to be boring and mundane, but it covers us both. There are some kinks that do squick me, namely sex in the dark in the missionary position. That's kinky as hell to me, but those that enjoy their sex that way very well may consider the fact that my slave and I enjoy things such as spanking, paddling, single tails, caning, electrical play (and not vibrators), enema's, straps, knife play etc etc to be kinky, but we are both covered.

So which one is more suited to what it is that we do, SSC or RACK? I personally think that RACK is a lot more honest and a lot less ambiguous than SSC for the purpose in educating the people who actually engage in BDSM play activities. I think that RACK makes you much more aware of what needs to be covered before engaging in ANY activity with anyone. I also think that we as a community still have a great need for SSC, the theory behind it was very noble when it came about in the mid 1980's and that theory is still noble today. We as a community need something that is short and catchy and portrays us in an good light. A popular beer commercial advertises its product as "great taste, less filling" and for the people its trying to reach is a great slogan. It does not advertise with "drink 6 of these in 15 minutes, get behind the wheel of a car and you may kill yourself or someone else". That's the reality of it though isn't it? Beyond just selling ourselves in a positive fashion to the rest of the world, I think we also owe it ourselves AND the rest of the world to educate ourselves and one another in the best most honest fashion that we can. As far as I am concerned, SSC makes the sale possible and nice, RACK is the warranty that keeps it from ever being portrayed as lemon. Think about it.

Justin Medlin

*the opinions here are those of the author and no one else. The opinions here do not and should not be inferred to be the opinion of any other individual or group including but not limited to L.O.C.K.*

Dear Storm,
"i am who i am, and although i have died a thousand deaths trying to balance what i read ... and get from chatting with others and this board .... with what i encounter ....... i still have a long way to go."
There is always going to be a disjunct between how things might/should be in theory, and reality. It can be very difficult to find what we are looking for. Sure, you can go to Burger King and order a hamburger "Your way," but a BDSM partner is not a piece of meat. I think that some people want to treat their partner as an archetype, instead of as an individual.
Best of luck to you in your journey...

"if you find someone who is honorable and kind you won't have to worry about them SSC. That is not to say that they won't make mistakes, but they will have got the education that they need to handle them, as well as be able to raise their hand and say "my fault". Honesty, which leads to Trust which leads to Respect (both way I might add) kicks SSC in the ass every time."
I completely agree with you. Responsibility, honor, and caring are necessary for trust to develop.

I found the following in an article by slave david stein. The quote from Dr. Brame is used with her permission for the article and I assume if its NOT ok to put it on her own web site that it will not see the light of day and that I will be smitten. All I can say about the following Gloria, is "thank you" and "amen" The comments in the bracket preceding Gloria's are those of slave david stein.

Justin

THE DRAWBACKS OF SSC TODAY

by Gloria Brame, from private e-mail

gloria-brame.com

[The following puts in a nutshell some of the key ways that "safe sane consensual" tends to be misused today, particularly by dominants. i would add only that it isn’t het male doms alone who are guilty of it!]

I think het male doms in particular (with many notable exceptions, of course) often use SSC as an easy out from their extreme guilt/shame about doing SM. In a perfect world, doms deal with the demons of their sexual repression before they take on the leadership role in a power relationship. SSC provides lazy, dull-witted, or malicious tops an easy out. In the 80s, I’d hear from male doms who said they were afraid that if they did SM, they were "just like" Ted Bundy. Nowadays, by loudly announcing that they are SSC, they chase that demon away . . . or do they? As bad as it may be to compare yourself to a criminal, if you are struggling with profound guilt, it’s better to do the comparison, IMO, and then, point by point, logically analyze the ways in which one is different.

People are using SSC as if it’s a magic cloak — wear it and no one sees the guilt! — not a philosophical point of departure for deeper analyses of their behaviors. But if you haven’t tackled the underlying issues, come to terms within yourself with your own ethical standards, and if you aren’t living up to the true spirit of SSC, then really you haven’t overcome the "am I a vicious criminal or just a nice guy who likes to beat consenting partners for fun?" conundrum. You’ve just put a fresh coat of paint on your termite-infested house.

In this way, stuff like SSC, safe words, negotiation, and all the other truly marvelous concepts designed to help us create a moral structure, and which should protect submissives from dangerous tops and assist tops in establishing ethical principles, have become so diluted and distorted, they almost seem now to be used more frequently by unsafe and casual players than real sadomasochists.

Also, what’s particularly galling to me, personally, is that it’s part of another trend in the Scene: this need people have to assert their superiority and place themselves in some imaginary hierarchy of sexual enlightenment. Obviously, over-compensation for insecurity . . . but also something that is very dangerous in a dominant, i.e., Major Ego Problems! It’s used at times to enforce an "us vs. them" mentality . . . . All you have to do is say you’re SSC (whatever it means, whether or not you’ve really given any thought to what it means, whether or not what you think is right or not or has any basis in reality) . . . et, voilà!  You’re a top who deserves respect and even kudos for "playing by the rules."

In response to Granada and some of the other.

It is my opinion that like with vanilla partners, spouses, managers and whatever, the role in which people are usually develop in line with there basic character. Should a self centered, insecure person become a manager, he/she will become even more so within the power realm of their position. If man is abusive before marriage, he will be more abusive in the marriage. Obvious??

Then why do we still beat about the "asses as doms or tops" bush? When someone asks you out on a few dates, you end up in bed, on car bonnet or whatever, it does not mean lifetime commitment. surely you get to know the person and if he/she is no good, try another. Why the need to find the perfect dom/top (or even sub) on day one?

Perhaps the key is, like with other relationships, to first find the circles in which you like to move, then start looking around for the like minded, and then home in on your partner to be?

I feel that SSC is as valid as ever and I find the willingness of the decent people amongst us, to allow the bad ones to make us question the validity, rather pathetic.

GEP