Hello Glory and the Board .....

It seems that as of late ..... and by that I mean the past few days <g> I have been enjoying an amazing phenomenon, the phenomenon of "clarity".
You all know what I mean I am sure. You know when you have been wrestling with a problem ... an idea .... a thought that just seems to expand exponentially at an alarmingly fast pace until it is of overwhelming proportions. You know the kind of thing that once had a beginning and an end but now if you could find wither the beginning or the end you would probably not be able to differentiate between them.
Well, needless to say, I have been a long time in that overwhelming maize of uttered confusion and self doubt.

Since the moment I crossed the threshold and ventured into this lifestyle ..... I have been in awe of all of you that I have met alone the way. I developed this internal gauge to assess just where someone would fall on this "Scale of AWE" that was based on the answer to the question ....... "May I ask how long you have been involved in this lifestyle?"

Ignoring my intellectual "ME", that part of "STORM" that I do on occasion allow input into my decision making process, I determined that depending on where someone fell on this Awe Scale, would play an important part in the amount of credibility that I placed on both their thoughts as well as their answers to some of my "burning" questions.

I know how to add but there are times when I transpose the numbers that I am adding and am "blind" to this as I attempt to check my totals.

I belong to another message board and there is a thing going where each month someone is given the honor of coming up with and posting "THE QUESTION OF THE MONTH".
I have been charged with the responsibility of assigning a poster to a month so that everyone gets a turn ... LOL

The lucky kinkster for the month of MARCH was a Dom that had posted a few questions and responses to the board. He e-mailed me asking if he could send a copy of the question to me so that I could see if it had been a topic that had already been discussed. I responded with sure, but that I really did not think it mattered if the question had been there before because there was always new insight that could change a previous opinion.

Well he sent me his question and for the moment I can not remember the question but I can remember the question that flashed across my brain. "Ummmm I wonder how long he has been in the lifestyle?"

Being the inquisitive person that I am I e-mailed him and asked. When his response arrived I immediately read his reply. The number that he had assigned to his "years" in the lifestyle was impressive and of course put him on the higher end of the "AWE SCALE"

It was then that I was struck by this bolt of "Epiphany type LIGHTENING". I stared at the number and it became increasingly clear that I was staring at a NUMBER .... not a magic formula for insight ..... not the Holy Grail ..... not the book of knowledge ..... just a NUMBER.

What did this number tell me ? ...... Did it tell me of the quality of experience? ..... or the individual's definition of either experience or the lifestyle? .... or or for that matter the type and extent of experience?

Nope ... it did not tell me any of that and yet I had been placing a lot of what I will refer to as "wisdom of experience" on these numbers that I was given when I asked that question about "time in the lifestyle"

I realized that I had been unconsciously and systematically assigning a greater weight and value to a lifestyler's words dependent on that number.

It became quite evident as to why I had seemed to be getting more and more confused and unsure of myself rather than feeling that sense of peace that comes with clarity and internal understanding and connection.

I guess that it sort of hit me that a "DOM" with 18 years of experience in the lifestyle did not mean that he should be listen to or his words valued more that a "DOM" of 5 years simply because of that YEARS OF EXPERIENCE number.

I mean hey ........ DO i really want to hold on to the words of a :DOM: with 18 years of experience in this lifestyle ...... years spent abusing submissives as opposed to the words of a :DOM: of only 5 years who is respectful, open, and honest with his views and manner of interacting with the submissives that he meets.

I decided that I needed a new group of questions?

Smiling

Storm

Storm,

<<It was then that I was struck by this bolt of "Epiphany type LIGHTENING". I stared at the number and it became increasingly clear that I was staring at a NUMBER .... not a magic formula for insight ..... not the Holy Grail ..... not the book of knowledge ..... just a NUMBER. >>

That is the BEST epiphany I've heard in a LONG time!

Quality of experience beats quantity any day. People with long histories of dysfunctional relationships are no match for people with a short history of solid ones. I think there are a lot of people who make the mistake you once made...and, by the way, don't think it's unique to submissives. I wish I had a buck for every dominant who took advice from allegedly "wise elders" without taking a cold hard look at how those mentors actually live and what their relationships are actually like.

xx,

Glory

i think you're absolutely right, Storm. Time in the lifestyle isn't synonymous with capability any more than age is synonymous with wisdom. i have known people who have seemed to me to have a deeper, more intrinsic understanding of the lifestyle after a very short time, and others who just never seem to get it.

Good advice can be offered by the newest novice, and bad by the most experienced lifestyler. That's where, i think, it's important to use your own life experience and common sense to filter everything that you hear from everyone. i personally found that a great many of the qualities that are valued in the lifestyle were things that i'd learned not from the lifestyle, but from life itself. i found the lifestyle when i was already a mature adult and had learned many of life's lessons, and i think that made the transition a natural and rather painless (so to speak) one for me.

If you've lived, you've learned. Use what you know to help you discriminate between the good and the bad, the positive and the negative, and don't rely on numbers alone. Remember, just because someone has written for 20 years doesn't mean they can do it well, and just because they've wielded a flogger or knelt to someone doesn't mean they do it well either. ;)

Peace, firebaby

Firemastersbaby .......

I have to agree with you also. I have found that what I needed in my vanilla life .... the qualities that were important and non existent are the same things that I need in a D/s relationship.

The additional dynamics of this lifestyle will only serve to intensify that which Should be intimate and beautiful to begin with.

In some respects a submissive and a dominant are at either end of the spectrum ... with one very important difference......... when joined together they fit ......... no big gaping spaces .... where as in a vanilla relationship ......... either end of the spectrum could equate to an ocean between them,

Thank you

Storm

Years in the scene can mean all sorts of things as people here have stated. I find it interesting when I run into people who have been "dominates" for 20 years and are only 35 or some other such rubbish. I usually tell them I began my training in the womb. Scary thing is some of them start asking questions about how it was done!

The advice regarding looking at what sort of relationships the person giving the advice has is the best I have heard.

Michael

<<The advice regarding looking at what sort of relationships the person giving the advice has is the best I have heard.

Michael, it's something I've learned (painfully, with sadness) over the years. So many people who initially presented themselves--or were promoted by others--as totally knowledgeable, great models, trustworthy mentors, truly SSC players, and so on--turned out to be, well, how shall I put it....FUCKED UP! Naturally, you could never guess from their public personae. Often you couldn't tell if you only saw them very occasionally or spoke with them only by phone or on-line. Then, one day, you get a real view into the reality they LIVE and...what a disappointment!

Basically, I think the best people have the least to prove. Unfortunately, that also makes them the toughest to FIND sometimes, because they aren't out there blowing their horns at every johnny (or janie) come-lately.

yil with a kiss (glad to see you back here),

Glory

Dear Storm,
Good for you and your newly developed critical sense! I know exactly what you've described, it happened to me for a while as well. Now whenever I read or hear someone oh-so-casually crow and let everyone know how many years they've been "practicing", my first thought is, Oh yeah, goodie - another one who's probably been getting it wrong... longer (ungenerous, but hey - I never said I'm always nice :-)
Deborah